Dinner delemena

JC5

My down/ regroup time was when I was making dinner. Ahh! Time for me time to do me! But the past few months DH has been coming into the kitchen every 10 minutes with various excuses but I know looking for his dinner! . At first I asked him to wash the pots I used to prepare dinner - got just a rinse , put to the side and I’m tired! Driving me crazy! Feeling pressured and rushed to get him his dinner! When I give him his plate and mine is not done he won’t eat! Any suggestions? BTW we don’t usually eat the same kind of meal.. he’s a meat and potato guy I like veggies and fish!

JC5

Responding to myself! I want to stop crying and just be happy like I use to be! I miss me!!

jgreen

Dear @JC5

I am not in same situation as you. So this is a big guess on my part. I am thinking DH just needs reassurance that you are there and he is not alone. I like that you are asking to him help you in the kitchen. Just know that the rinsing may be all you are going to get. His brain is broken and he can no longer figure out the steps he needs to take and in what order to ‘do the dishes’.

Some things I have seen others write about is to have a snack (or appetizer) at the table for him, like cheese and crackers, or fruits. That way DH can sit at the table and be close to you as you get a meal ready. If he’s hungry he’ll eat.

Hope that works for you. I know - I miss me too. Soon enough we will be the only ones left, so make the most of today.

Hugs to you for hanging in there. Some days are tougher than others. 💝

H1235

It sounds like he is shadowing. But just because there is a name for it doesn’t make it any easier. I think the cheese and crackers sounds like a good idea. Is there anything else he could do at the kitchen table while you cook, tablet games, set the table… If you expect this you can plan something for him to do. Sorry about your alone time.

notequipped

I also think it’s more about being close by than the food. My Mom has forgotten the concept of personal space, too, so she gets very close when I’m making food for her. We have the same ‘doing dishes’ issue, too. More often than not, the dishes will still have visible food on them. You never know what you’re going to find. 🤷🏻‍♀️

The snack idea is a good one, though. I’ll give that a try.

Goodlife2025

I am living your dinner experience to the extreme. DW is shadowing in new ways. Needing to stand right next to me while I cook, a hazard waiting to happen. She doesn't say anything just watches me intently. Unnerving it is. When it happens the request to help, I take the help with dishes, rinse only, just to give her something to do and rewash later. Eating habits are evolving as well. As TimmyD and others have mentioned; the troubling behaviors of today do fade away and are replaced by the new. I wish she would sit at the table and snack while I cook. Personal space no longer has meaning, you are right notequipped.

Maru

We are not quite there yet, but I get how annoying that would be. Because I struggle with fatigue, I plan all meals for a week. Lately, I have been fixing enough to put into the freezer for a quick thaw and cook meal for days when I know I will be too tired to cook. I also have quinoa and rice for me pre-cooked and in small serving sizes in the freezer or 'fridge, as well as mashed potatoes for DH. If nothing else, t least do all the veggie prep earlier in the day.

mroberts8

I've had some success dealing with my DW shadowing at busy times by developing other regular routines for her. A favorite TV show, a snack. My pre-dinner strategy is giving her a beverage and a small bowl of pistachios in the shell. Working through the nuts pairs well with my dinner time prep.

dcare45

You have read my mind with this post. I used to cook quite a bit of stir fries, bakes , casseroles, etc for our meals. Pretty healthy food. Over the last couple years that’s all done. It had become a matter of gathering ingredients, preparing ingredients, cooking on the stove and defending the utensils and cooking/prep area all at the same time. This is all in a 4’ by 5’ area. DW grabbing anything I set down. Knifes, cutting boards, vegetables, raw meat, fry pan, pot of boiling water, everything constantly. So we have been eating crappy boxed or frozen meals mostly for over a year. I can’t take that anymore.

My new plan is to do meal prep on the day DW goes to the Enrichment Center. Get everything chopped up and prepared. Hopefully then I can just grab prepared things to dump together at dinner time. I’m sure there will still be grabby hands but I won’t have to defend so many directions.

It’s weird because she never really had any interest in cooking at all. Maybe it’s because she sees the activity in one place for more than 5 minutes. I usually distract her with mailings and paperwork she can sort through. When I’m cooking she tries to sort them on top of the stove by the hot burners! Makes it hard to cook.

/STEVE

DW has ALS stage 4 or 5. It was always her kitchen, and she was also little miss helper. So this is a big problem for me. I will go in to the kitchen and hope she does not see me. When I am found out I will give her little jobs, Like get the glasses out of the cabinet, then put ice in to them , then water, then take them to the table, and if I am lucky she will wander to another part of the house. If not then have her take the fork to the table and if I am lucky she will wander to another part of the house. Then the spoons, then knifes. I have been know to ask her to get me a tissues out of the bathroom, she will come back 3 or 4 time asking what I wanted. If the TV is not on I will ask her to find the news and hope she end up watching TV.

I will break up jobs to their smallest part so she can do them. Normally she get distracted and end up doing some else. Hopely out of the kitchen.

If I have had a bad day, we will have pancakes, do you know how long, you can get them to mix the batter, Yes dear just a little more mixing. While you are doing something else. Yes, I am a bad person.

You have to take your wins were you can.