How to handle repeated requests to buy a new car

PalmReader

Hello All,

It's me again, with the ongoing car dilemma. We sold my husband's car in late May. He had not driven it in over a year. Now that it is gone, he is insistent that he needs a new car. He talks about it every day, to anyone who will listen. Every time we drive somewhere, he is pointing out how everyone has a new car and he wants one. When I ask him where he wants to go, there is no real answer. We are very socially active, spending a lot of time in the company of others, going out to eat, shows, sports events, etc. He talks to everyone about how he needs a new car. I have run out of distraction techniques. How to I deal with this repeated discussion every day? It's starting to drive me insane!

zabka

Would it be appropriate and safe for him to get a scooter which would increase his independence?

H1235

I think it’s going to be very difficult to get him off the topic. Is he angry or showing signs of anxiety over this. If so you might want to talk with his doctor about medication. Is it just talk about a new car or is he pestering you to take him to a dealership? You might try just telling him now is not the time to buy a car, interest rates are too high, January is the best time to get a good deal …… Kick the can down the road. Has his credit been locked down? If he has the ability to call a dealership, he might get you into a situation where they are delivering a vehicle to the house.

harshedbuzz

@PalmReader

Cars carry a lot of emotional weight around masculinity and autonomy for men.

After you've locked down credit and made accounts inaccessible, maybe using cars as a segue would be more compassionate to join him in the musing about a new car. Ask about his first car or his favorite car. Ask what he would want to get? What sort of optional equipment, color, etc would he like to get?

HB

PalmReader

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/277511#Comment_277511

I suggested a 3 wheel bicycle. He didn't like that idea. I don't think a scooter would be a good idea. Thanks though!

PalmReader

I was thinking about asking the doctor about medication, since he does get very agitated about it. He doesn't have the ability to contact a dealership or shop online, but wouldn't that be something if a new car was delivered to my house!😂

sandwichone123

I would drive my dh by very expensive car lots, and he would say, "oh wow, $50,000 for a car. I guess we can't get a car."

harshedbuzz

@PalmReader

The skills impacted by dementia that take driving a car off the table— executive function, processing speed, spatial reasoning— would make any wheeled vehicle dangerous. He'd pose all of the same risks to himself but without the safety features built into cars.

Safety>Independence.

HB

April23

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/277549#Comment_277549

It happens, I know from experience (but not my LO thankfully!)

My dad loves cars and still talks about buying one to this day. If it’s causing anxiety then maybe a talk with his doctor is in order.