Tired

lzerbe

I just get tired of the almost constant criticism. Today especially bad. "You always put yourself first, never think of anyone else." It's the indignant look. I hope it doesn't escalate and wears off sooner than later.

I try to focus on doing something for myself, like practice the cello. But I lose interest.

Looking for strategies to cope.

Ed's mom

The one I have learned to detest is "Ex cuusse me?". Drawn out as I have written it. That phrase can set me right if, like I am a piece of trash. Look in the mirror, smile the best you can and say "YOU are a good person", say it until you own it. Sometimes it helps get me through the criticism. This too will pass I read.

CindyBum

Oh boy. Did I ever struggle with that complaining about my efforts stage. It hurt so damn much, especially as I was working myself to the bone to do everything for her. And, I loved her so friggin much, all I wanted to do was make her safe and happy. Safe I did. Dementia didn't allow for her to be happy much anymore.

My strategies were venting here, repeating over and over that she know longer really knows what she's saying and that was the dementia talking and finally, I got a caregiver to give me respite from caregiving. Taking walks while knowing someone else was there for her saved my life. I learned in those moments how to shut off what was going on at home and to just focus on my walk…and on me.

Hang in there and big hug. You're doing an amazing job.

lzerbe

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/278486#Comment_278486

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/278492#Comment_278492

thanks, I do talk to myself a lot. Having this site to turn to is a real lifesaver.

tboard

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/76678/tired

I got through being called names and constant criticism from my DH by reminding myself that it was the disease talking. It is hard not to take it personally but it isn’t personal.

MsBeano

omg, just now experiencing this with my early onset wife (same sex couple). Never sure when some criticism will pop up. Also, it feels like we are constantly trying to figure out where the communication disruption is.

Maru

My DH has always been critical. I'd like to say that I've finally learned how to handle it, but, not really. I just respond, "yes, dear" to everything. But, since DH's diagnosis of Alz he has become more appreciative and less critical. I think it is due to his really trying to be more patient as part of his spiritual journey. He is now officially in the early stages of dementia. From a purely objective point of view, it will be interesting what this will look like down the road. He is very healthy for a 91 year old.

lzerbe

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/278764#Comment_278764

It seems to get more intense and constant. At least that is what I am experiencing. Everything that goes or is wrong is my fault. Anything from the stain on a hand towel to not watering the garden properly. I realize it all sounds trivial, but when it is so constant, consistent and harsh it is tough to remain patient and not get frustrated. Sorry for venting. We are also same sex couple; my LO is in her late seventies.

lzerbe

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/278677#Comment_278677

Thanks you are absolutely correct. It's the Alzheimer's brain.

trottingalong

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/278815#Comment_278815

it’s not trivial. Nothing about this disease is. I can Have decent days with my husband and then a day like you described happens. It literally drains my body and soul.