I’m not me

wose

My DH looked me square in the eye today and said “ where’s rose. “ He’s been asking now for sometime and I never know quite what to say. That got me thinking. I think I’m so scared, overwhelmed and beyond exhausted that I am in fact a completely different person. I’m not me anymore and DH knows this. But how or can you ever really get your old self back again? Maybe with a little respite it could help me get me back but I don’t think so. This disease turned both of us into different people. No wonder he’s aggressive and verbally abusive. He’s not talking to me or hitting me….its the other rose. I have to find a way to get the old rose back front and center in his world. It makes me so so sad to think that he thinks I just left him with the other rose. We drove all over Ohio today looking for rose.

dcare45

I am not quite following if your name is Rose or if Rose is someone he is looking for. Either way, if Rose is you then a simple "here I am". If DH still asks or Rose is someone else, then " I haven't seen her yet today or she may be coming later I think. Something along that line works for me. When I walk in the room my DW will say oh here comes my daddy. Oh well. I'm not recognized as husband, but she knows she loves me and that's enough for me. As far as getting old Rose back front and center in his world probably won't happen. His world has changed. Sorry for sounding harsh

Just know he loves you even if he doesn't recognize you as Rose. I am sorry you feel like a completely different person. You are a person carrying an incredibly heavy load. It will chang you, but you are still the same person, a loving caregiver.

sfrsythe

I read where he’s verbally and physically abusive to you. Please seek help with that. Medications can help. NO ONE deserves that!

jgreen

Dear @wose

I agree with @sfrsythe - there are meds to help with DH’s aggression. You need to be safe, first and foremost. Tell his doctor and get something for DH.

As far as getting out old self back, I found a video by Naalie Edmonds a week or so ago and posted it. The title to my post is Regaining a Sense of Self. I found the video quite informative and helpful. And I am finding a few moments each day to do something that renews a sense of the ‘old me’, even if for just a little while.

Sweetlou85

My DW is constantly asking about deceased family members, she is 80 and her mother is still alive at 97. I just go along with a conversation and make vague references to the family members. Her memory seems to reset after a while and she doesn't remember any of the conversation.

JudyT

My DH will ask where the other Judy is. He thinks there is another person just like me who has lived my exact life that is coming home. Same job, same kids, same grandkids, etc. His doctor said it's Capgras Syndrome, a result of Lewy Body. He also has Alzheimer's. It's heartbreaking. I used to try to tell him there wasn't another me, now I just say I don't know where she is. Try to stay strong. Love has a way of getting us through the hard times.

wose

Thank you, another curious dimension to this awful disease. Thx @JudyT, I wasn’t aware od Capgras. He calls me 10 times a day wanting to know where I am. I’m always either in the bathroom or laundry room. We are a floor apart now and he’s already asked me “when’s rose coming back” 5/6 times in the last hour. I’m scared. I’m trying so hard to hold it together. It’s almost time for his seroquel. He takes that 4 times a day now. Thanks again. I don’t feel so quite alone.

SDianeL

my DH thought my daughter was me. So we started introducing ourselves when we entered his room in MC. We entered one at a time. Some have had success by going out, changing clothes and coming back in and introducing themselves. My greeting was: “High honey, it’s me, your wife Diane.” This happens because they don’t recognize your face. They remember you when you were younger. Some people have kept old pictures out to show their loved one. Maybe a wedding picture? So sorry you are going through this. Hugs.