Anniversaries, Birthdays.

Andi C

I've seen many discussions on the dissappointment of forgetting Anniversaries and Birthdays. Our anniversary will be in a few weeks, my birthday a few weeks after that. My DH was always so good, rememering those days, often surprising me with thoughtful gifts or a weekend away to celebrate. I already know I will feel the dissappointment, but I'm wondering how others have handled those special occaisions without getting very sad and blue. Any recommendations of how to make it through those special days is appreciated.

jgreen

Hi, @Andi C

I’ve seen others make a special meal, buy themselves a card, and just do your best to enjoy a nice moment together. Last anniversary was our 52nd in Feb, and son took us out to dinner. My DH didn’t have the foggiest idea what the occasion was, but he really enjoyed eating a lovely scallop dinner!

Let us know and we will wish you a happy anniversary and happy birthday.

blacksparky

I’ll be honest the first forgotten special occasion really tore my heart apart. As the special occasions come and go now i know it is not her but the Alzheimer’s making her forget. Now everyday i see her is my own special occasion.

dcare45

The only things we "celebrate" is Mother's Day and DWs birthday. Those are marked by visits from Children/Grandchildren. No presents, no cake, no hurrah. No, my birthday, our anniversary, no holidays. Christmas is even limited to a two-hour visit to her son's home. Pretty much all DW can handle.

I know there is a lot of emphasis put on special days throughout the year. To me the true show of love and commitment is showing up every day and supporting my DW. I agree with blacksparky, any day I can connect with DW is a special occasion.

Call me Gram

I have decided that a celebration does not have to be *from my DH, but it can be *with him. I remember back to when my MIL’s memory was failing and I was disappointed that she forgot my birthday. Now, I wish I would have just picked her up and taken her out to lunch. In my mind, it could have been a birthday celebration, even if she forgot.

I know it’s not the same, but it’s a way to adapt. I tell DH ahead of time about special occasions and we usually celebrate by going out to dinner. Granted, he’s still in the MCI stage. I’m sure it will be more challenging as the disease progresses.

I hope you can find a way to celebrate with your DH. 💝

BPS

On our 49th anniversary I tried to make it special I had the idea that if I said or did the right thing it would be special for her too. I was fooling myself and was disappointed. My advice to is to keep it simple and try to enjoy the day not hoping for anything special.

annie51

I agree with @BPS - keep it simple and try to enjoy the day not hoping for anything special. Earlier on we would go out for a nice dinner, maybe I bought some flowers depending on the occasion. As DH progressed I began to cook a favorite meal or do something he liked so we could have a pleasant day. After a few special days went by, I got used to the reality that they would never be the same…once I accepted that I didn’t get as blue as I did at first.

jfkoc

Best advise given to me was to just forget the celebration. Enjoy past memories.

Lucie1961

Our 35th wedding anniversary was on july 27th. I didn’t want him to feel bad that he forgot so when we were having our morning coffee I looked at the calendar, and pretending to be surprised, said “Wow, today is our anniversary!” He smiled and we toasted with our mugs. It was sad, but on a bright note, the next morning when he awoke he remembered that our anniversary was “yesterday” and wished me a happy anniversary again. It was sweet.

Andi C

I like all your ideas, being this is the first year that these special days occur that he won't remember I need to focus on making it a nice day we can enjoy together and forget about "naming" the day. Glad to hear from all of you and nice to know I'm not alone in this awful disease. In the summer we live near the ocean, the other day I bought a couple breakfast sandwiches, grabbed 2 beach chairs, went to the beach and watched the sun rise. We both enjoyed that and maybe we'll do the same thing. Thank you all for sharing your experiences.

elainechem

My hubby forgot about all birthdays (even his own), anniversaries, holidays, all special days, after three years into his EOAD. Those days no longer had any meaning for him. Fortunately, friends, my kids and family remembered. It wasn't the same, but I just had to make do. The hardest one was Christmas just over a year before he died. None of my children could come that year. I knew this in advance, so I didn't bother decorating. When the day came, my husband was with his caregiver and I went on a long walk. There were no restaurants open, so I just made a frozen pizza for dinner. It was very sad, but the Lord carried me through. He was with me the whole time. God doesn't forget.