Early onset and very critical?

MsBeano

My (f65) wife (61) was diagnosed earlier this year with early onset. She has very minor cognitive impairment, but I feel like she is becoming increasingly critical and sensitive to minor things. This is really affecting our relationship. How do I cope with this?

annie51

So sorry to hear about your wife. Early on in the disease I found it much harder to cope with these types of behaviors because it was a change in his personality that I wasn’t prepared for. As things progress you get more accustomed to reacting the “right” way, that is, you get thicker skinned and learn to accept it and not react to it. The only thing I can tell you is to remember that it’s not personal and it’s the diseased brain talking. You will get better at coping, not arguing, not getting defensive. There is no magic bullet and you will not always react the way you should, but that’s true for EVERY caregiver.

If you haven’t already, a good first book to read is 36 Hour Day. Also many videos by Natali Edmonds (Careblazers) focus a lot on your response to difficult behaviors.

Keep coming here to vent and to get support!

jgreen

Dear @MsBeano Welcome! So sorry you have to be in the club no one wants to join. Glad you posted, though. You will find this a most loving and caring group.

I know others will join in with tips and experiences to share. Here are a few from me to get you started.

First and foremost - take this one day at a time! This journey you are now on is a marathon, not a sprint. Try not to get overwhelmed and tire yourself out.

With minor cognitive imparement, seek out and hire an elder care attorney and get all legal and financial paperwork taken care of. You want to look into durable powers of attorney for both of you with you has her DPOA and you need to find a relative or trusted friend to be your DPOA. Also HIPPA, Healthcare surrogate, advanced directives, and wills/trusts. This is a costly disease and you want to make sure your assets are protected. If your DW is still working, you might want to talk with the lawyer about social security disability, and begin thinking about early retirement. Be sure to talk with lawyer about how to do this so DW is not fired and risk loosing benefits. I would stay away from saying anything to HR as they are often out to protect the company and not individual employee. The attorney should give you good advice.

If you two enjoy travel, do so now while you are both able. Enjoy as much time together as you can.

Read posts on this site - our group has good pointers about resources that will help you learn about this disease. There are books, websites and videos that offer information that you may find useful.

Stay in touch. We care. Sending you a big hug 💝

Maru

Now is a good time to begin practicing "yes, dear", even if she is in the wrong. You will need that built in response as things go along. The last thing you want to do is to cause friction over minor things. And, yes, we are only human and fail more often than we like. We caretakers have to learn to let go of everything that isn't vital. Better to learn this skill before real dementia sets in.

Sorry that you find yourself here.

SDianeL

2 things I learned here: 1) never argue or correct someone with dementia, and 2) you can’t reason with someone whose reasoner is broken.

MobbyGirl

I am experiencing the exact same negativity from my DH who was diagnosed with early dementia. It is challenging to live with someone who is “always” negative to even the smallest topic. I wish I had an answer for you. I agree with everything said here. Remember they can’t help it and don’t respond negatively or argue with them. You are not alone in your experience. This group is a wealth of encouragement and information.