Can’t get ADLO to understand he goes to social group only on Tuesday and Thursday

vdaygirl

I need some advice. I can’t get my ADLO to understand that he goes to his social group only on Tuesday and Thursday. The five days that he is home are trying because he gets up and dressed to go and gets mad at me because I don’t take him there.

He says that I don’t get it. Of course he doesn’t explain exactly what I don’t get. I ask him if there is anything else he wants to do. He doesn’t seem to have the capacity to generate any action except turn on the TV.

He does nothing that he used to do. I already am his cook, housekeeper, laundress, chauffeur, gardener, pool keeper, car maintenance person, med tech, secretary, rental property manager, and bill payer. I’m finding it hard to add activities director to the list when all of my other jobs need to be done.

How do people live with their partner and have all of these responsibilities and deal with them not understanding the daily schedule or whatever they don’t get due to the disease?

jgreen

Welcome @vdaygirl I am glad you found us, just sorry you have to be here.

I’ve read posts from some in our group where they use a calendar or white board to schedule daily activities for their LOs. Others like me don’t tell our LOs about an appointment or plan until just before leaving. In my case, DH hears that we are going someplace on Tuesday, he is anxious and trying to get ready until the actual event.

Yes, you need to take over ALL household, financial, maintenance, and other chores as your DH is no longer able to do those things anymore. That might include using the remote and setting up the television when he cannot remember how to use them.

Take a deep breath and start thinking about what is a priority and what can wait for a bit. If you haven’t already done so, I/we recommend hiring an Elder Care Attorney to help you get your legal, financial and healthcare affairs in order.

Lack of understanding is part of the disease. It is called anosognosia - the ability to recognize or understand cognitive decline. Explanations will not work, and arguments will end in disaster for you. Learn to either apologize (even if you did nothing wrong) or at least say things like “I will take care for that” or “Let me look into it”.

There are a number of good books, websites and online health professionals with good information for us caregivers. As you read through the many posts on this site, I know you will find some of those that will help you.

Do chime in whenever you feel the need to vent, ask questions, or offer your own experiences. We are all learning from each other. I am so glad to have found this site! It has been a Godsend!

Maru

I bought a calendar white board that I fill out dates and appts, scheduled things. DH checks off each day in the morning. Off to the side is a space where I put in what he has to do for each day, If I had a bigger calendar I would just write his daily activities on the day. Not at all sure that this will help your LO.