Not sure how to title this🤷🏻‍♀️

JC5 · August 3

Weeks now I’ve been hanging on! Washing sheets daily, cleaning bathroom before I get to use it in the morning! Stripping sheets daily , soaking ,washing repeat till no smell remains! Shopping cleaning paying bills ignoring his rants about his car and how he can’t drive! Getting worse and fortunately you all are here for me! No one else wants to hear it or deal with it! Not friends not family. So thank you all for being here for me.. even if it just to rant! 😘

RetiredTeacher · August 4

I feel for you and all you are going through. You are right, people here understand, listen, accept, support, encourage and never judge. This site is a godsend for all of us. Praying you find a few minutes each day to soothe your soul and realize we can and will find a way through this. 🫂 and 🙏

persevere · August 4

Hey there, sorry you’re going through this. Not much different here but I am lucky DW is a bit more docile even though she’s a very busy docile. Are you using pads (suggest you use cloth ones) and night depends. If you can afford it hire a cleaner to come in once or twice a month. Really is a game changer. I try to do things at night when the wife is asleep so I can have a smoother morning. And if possible, get some help. Even if it’s for a few hours a couple days a week. Also, if you’re not on auto pay for your bills please look into this. It’s another game changer. I don’t even balance a checkbook anymore. Just automate everything and do visual checks to make sure everything looks right. And another thing (sounding like Columbo here) look into using Shipt or instacart for shopping. You can make a list over days then hit the go button and have it delivered.

Jeff H · August 4

I'm sorry to hear this, but you are not alone. I'm not quite to the point of cleaning soiled sheets daily yet but I have proactively covered the mattress with a waterproof mattress protector. I also have a 3x5 foot absorbent pad under the bottom sheet. I have limited my DW constantly drinking caffeine free diet Pepsi throughout the day and stop it totally around 4pm. I have my DW pee before going to bed around 6pm and she then makes it through to the morning at 7am. I am getting quotes for in-home maid services because I cannot keep up either. Today I had an in-home respite care service evaluate my DW. They gave me the nod. They charge $30/hour with no minimums or maximum hours per week. They are basically on call. I will start using them. If you can afford something like that, you might want to look into it in your area. As far as his rants, you should discuss that with his neurologist. There are medications for that. I feel for you. We all need a break!

Biggles · August 4

I’m hearing you loud and clear. it’s horrible, awful, sole destroying and you are so right, no one wants to know about it. Friends just walk away, it’s too hard to deal with, or they might catch it (go tell) or they don’t want to listen to the carer’s sobbing or constant ranting.

In the early stages when I had access to a Psychologist, she said whatever help comes your way say yes and use it even if you think you don’t need it. She said the more help you can get the better you will be able to survive. I didn’t understand then but I sure do now. So I have swallowed my pride and have said yes to everything. Can you get Government help or paid help for some of the workload. Maybe you could get groceries delivered and coloured dependable’s just for night time in the guise of new pyjamas. It is exhausting but keep reaching out here there will be lots of ideas coming forth and lots of support. No one can do this alone. My thoughts are with you.

Maru · August 4

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/76731/not-sure-how-to-title-this-%E2%80%8D-%EF%B8%8F

We are not dealing with incontinence yet and I am already exhausted…but then I am really old. The others gave really good practical advice, I am just offering sympathy and hugs.

Victoriaredux · August 4

You're doing a lot , maybe some more info here :

https://www.mayoclinichealthsystem.org/hometown-health/speaking-of-health/6-helpful-tips-for-managing-urinary-retention-and-incontinence

Read "Nature's miracle" helps with odors. 4 sides mattresses covers, pads like discussed, try different brand pull ups to find the best fit for overnight .

annie51 · August 4

There’s no better place to rant than right here! We all understand. Each of our experiences are different but the same. You all know what I mean. 😊 I heard that washing with baking soda and vinegar helps with the odor. Besides the waterproof mattress cover and waterproof pad under the bottom sheet as @Jeff H suggested, will he tolerate having another large pad on top of the sheets?
You have great ideas here for help with housekeeping, shopping and autopay for bills. You may want to contact your local Area Agency on Aging. They can maybe point you to resources to help, or to help pay for in home help.
Sending hugs!