New Here! Mum diagnosed 6 weeks ago. Struggling with evening sundowning/looping—any advice?

amitten2709

Hi everyone,
This is my first post. Recently, my mum was diagnosed with early-to-mid-stage Alzheimer's. She is 67. This has hit our family pretty hard, especially my dad, who has taken on the mantle of primary caregiver.

I still live at home, so I am exposed to the daily realities of the condition. Lately, she has been suffering severely in the evenings with sundowning and hallucinations. For example, she will believe an ambulance is coming to take her away, or most recently she becomes convinced she can hear someone breaking into our car and starting the engine. This triggers a "loop" where she repeatedly says the same phrase over and over.

We have tried several techniques to navigate these episodes, but recently, nothing seems to work:

- Reassurance (telling her she is safe)
- Validation (taking her outside to check the car and show her it's okay)
- Distraction (changing the topic or moving to another room)

If anyone has other suggestions, recommendations, or simply some words of advice, we would appreciate it so much.

On a personal note, it is incredibly hard to see her regress daily. The reality is that her symptoms are progressing far quicker than our ability to learn how to care for her. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared of what the future holds if things keep moving at this rate.

SusanB-dil

Hello and welcome. Yes, it is so hard to watch a LO decline like this.

Do tell her doc what is happening. She may need an adjustment on meds to calm down some. There are meds that won't cause a zombie effect. Also, if this new behavior is fairly sudden, also get her checked for any UTI.

She is blessed to have you and dad watching out for her. Do make sure you both get some respite from any constant care, though.

terei

Have you tried ‘calling’ the police in her presence? “Hello? This is amitten, is that ambulance for my mom? No? Thank you. No mom, they are going somewhere else”. Repeat. Also can be used for ‘breakins’. “You hear someone by the car? I am calling the police. “ Go outside to meet the police, come back in. “The police took care of it”. I should have won an Oscar for my performances with my mom. Also, IMO medication is in order to tamp down the anxiety, which is probably what is causing these thoughts.

withease66

Hello,

Your situation resonates with me, I'm sorry that your family is going through this. My older sister, (78) has been getting progressively worse for 18 months. I unfortunately am on the "outside" and need to understand how to be part of her life. If we have family plans they've been cancelling more often due to "bad" days. On the phone she told me "with my cognitive impairment I'm not easy to be around anymore, don't come over."

We've been extremely supportive and go along with her mind and stories while talking. I agree that being able to support her thoughts with positive response rather than being combative makes her calmer. She's also now afraid of thunder and storms…

Maintaining our sense of humor has also been a huge help for my siblings and close relatives. Not in a negative way, but her personality has changed from being a headstrong, authoritarian to a lovey, hugging and cuddling type. It's bizarre! She never was the type and it warms our hearts. But then again, I'm not with her 24/7 to see her bad moments either.

Wishing you all the best with your Mom. Let me know how you are doing.

mjspurgeon1

Pop was diagnosed June 2026. Its unbelievable how fast this treacherous disease is progressing. We still have sundowners but not like at first. Its a moment by moment disease…no longer day to day. Bless you and your family.

Grenah

I'm in year two of my mother's dementia. It started with sundowning behavior any time of day. We didn't recognize it for what it was. There are times when she will not be distracted. We have had to carry her inside. It settled to happening later in the day 5ish, now it starts at about 3. Medication was working, now not so much. We have had to call the house, the property management (it's a private house) and various other people acting in fictious roles to calm her down. It's terrifying, frustrating and when she wants us to call the police, I'm tempted. Not sure whether I'd want them to take her or me. I wish I had an answer for you but I'm still looking. The disease also does not necessarily progress in any definable logic. What strategies or medications work today do not necessarily work tomorrow. Wish I had better advice for you. Do the best you can on any given day and hope it's enough.