Vacation dilemma

JC5

I need advice honest advice that I know I can get from this amazing community. My dream since my children have grown married and have children of their own is to vacation all together. All 16 of us together in our vacation place in NC. Well finally it was arranged! Children took same vacation week, they rented a house near the beach and everything set to go! Leaving this Sunday!

Then DH was hospitalized this past Friday- servere pain in left foot. They are talking in patient PT rehab but still waiting for pt evaluation. If he cannot put weight on his foot rehab it is. So if that happens do I stay home while he’s in rehab or go live my dream wish? FYI the entire family will be away! So no one will be here “ in case “. I know this is a one and done vaca as the kids can’t afford another one anytime soon. Thanks for any advice!

Quilting brings calm

Go on vacation. You will be accessible by phone and the in-patient rehab knows how to take care of him. As you know, this is a marathon not a sprint. After several years of putting my life on hold for mom and step-dad( even though they were in an AL), I finally had to start living. By that I mean, I needed the respite of a few days away now and then. We actually did a month stay in Gulf Shores and I’m glad we did because our younger son came down to visit there … he passed away a few months later. The memory of that time with him is special to my spouse and I.

Lilydaisy

We just completed a family vacation, though with only 10 of us. For me, it was a last chance for my DW (stage 5/6) to spend quality time with them instead of a quick family dinner or short one on ones. I would encourage doing it, even with your DH if possible. But if he would be immobile that would change the dynamics, I think. My purpose to give my family more time with DW and to "feel" her current status with continual needs. What I discovered though, was that it was a big plus for me. My DW is in year 10 and I haven't had more than a few hours away from caregiving. Having them along helped me to feel relaxed and happy. And DW was too, although two days later she did not remember a moment of it.

But as we age, we never know how many chances at that vacation together we will have.

sandwichone123

Go on vacation. The probability that this will come together in the future is not a probability to bet on. Rehab won't cure him, but it will provide a safe place for him to be while you're away.

Lethe

I think you should go. I don’t remember the stage of your DH but depending on what is causing the pain maybe he could still go as well (if you want him to). My family had planned a vacation with everyone and then I broke my foot/ankle. We still went. You would need a wheelchair, and or crutches/walker depending on his mobility needs (if he can weight bear and is able to use those). Bring pain meds and he can start PT when you return. But of course all this depends on what is best for you in this situation. I’m sorry this happened right now.

Biggles

Go on vacation. Your DH will be looked after and in good hands by nursing staff. I don’t know what stage your DH is but you could do video calls with him, although you might be better off just letting him rest up and enjoy his ‘5 Star’ accommodation in peace. Go and enjoy this once in a lifetime family holiday, for everyone to be together at the one time is very special. Perhaps you can share special stories about your DH, even record a video with special messages. That might be a nice keepsake for you all. Stay positive as much as we would like to we can’t change this awful situation.

JulietteBee

I would say to go on vacation.

Sadly, hubby will not even recognize the passage of time.

Be sure to visit him the day you are leaving, and the day you return.

I can pretty much guarantee he will think he saw you more.often than he did. Additionally, and most importantly, YOU need some R&R.

I hate when my pwd is sick and in the hospital, but those are days I do not have to wake up early. I do not have to make breakfast unless I am hungry, and truthfully, I enjoy the quiet calm felt when in the house by myself.

Go enjoy yourself, and make new memories!

Go

Goodlife2025

Go on vacation the memories you will make are just as important for the rest of the family as they are for you. We drop everything for our loved one but the reality is the rest of the world including our children do not and can not put life on hold. It will be an act of love for the rest of your family to have "you" for a little while.

JC5

well surprise surprise DH released from hospital with out patient orders! So now I have to see if he is able to travel … Land or air! Have appointment tomorrow. He actually is doing better although I just heard some curse words as he was coming in from outside! 🤷🏻‍♀️ Thanks all for your support

GothicGremlin

I was going to add my voice to the chorus of "you should go!" But now I'm going to add that if you decide to take your DH with you, and you decide to go by air, consider looking into TSA Cares. They can assist getting your DH through the checkpoint safely. I used this program for my sister when she wanted to go to Italy (late stage 4). TSA was great - I had let them know beforehand about her Alzheimer's/FTD. When we got there, the TSA agent escorted us through security, essentially a pre-check-like experience. Very smooth.

I hope you have a wonderful time!

ltbub0418

I was also going to say go on vacation but now that he is home it does change things. Whether or not the doctors say he can travel you know your husband.

I’ll share that I’m my Dads care partner and he is late stage 3/early stage 4 unknown type of dementia just diagnosed in March. He wanted to see my daughter/ his granddaughter who is in law school across the country. I decided to take him because he was doing well. The trip was fantastic. No problems at all until day 3 when all the good was too much for his brain to handle and my daughter and I learned what a catastrophic reaction was. He yelled and cursed about me to my daughter for no reason that we could figure out. She was terrified and confused and it took my Dad weeks to recover from the trip. He has no memory of what he said or even being uncomfortable or aggravated. He only has good memories of the trip.
Just something to consider & be prepared for as another possible symptom of this awful disease.
Whatever you decide God Bless you.