Dad concerning behavior

Tami1504

my dad has Alzheimer’s and vd. He is currently living with me for the past two months. He is not happy about it and frequently upset that he feels he should be able to live in his own home. Last week we spent time in a rental cottage boating swimming with my children and grandchildren. I believe that that he had a great week and seemed more engaged. On our way home we stopped for lunch and upon returning to the car he grabbed his duffle bags and insisted he was going home (to Florida three states away). It seemed that he planned it. It was 97 degrees out and he had no clue where he was. He insisted that if I didn’t take him that he would hitch hike. After several minutes of coaxing and redirecting by multiple family members we got him in the car and drove straight home-I was terrified at every rest stop that he would take off.. There was strong resistance and he was verbally aggressive towards me. I have a message out to his provider, we are home he is dejected and so sad refusing to take meds or come out of his room. I did look into an inpatient assessment center but he can be pretty lucid-and am concerned this would make the situation worse. He has a neuro appointment and mental health appointment scheduled and on the waiting list for earlier openings. I don’t think that fibbing would work with him. I am also working on getting him on assisted living waiting lists. We have a trip (he requested) planned to visit (fly) other grandchildren but right now I don’t feel that I can safely travel with him. Physically he is very independent and I don’t know what would have happened if he had not gotten in the car, would we have called for medical services and then been stuck out of state dealing with it? I do have dpoa and am going to talk to an elder care attorney to see if I need to also have guardianship. The poa is very complete though.

H1235

You might want to ask his doctor for a letter of incompetence. It needs to be signed by two doctors. When mom moved to Al I found that with the letter they were better about running major decisions through me vs asking mom. I will add that mom is stage 4 and can still put on a show of being very competent. I think the anosognosia gives mom an air of confidence. How does the saying go, if you say it with enough confidence everyone will believe you. I have never had much luck with fibs either, at least when it come to her living in her home. Do you think a fib would work to get out of the vacation. I can see why you are worried about the up coming trip. I think I would cancel. Medication might help some. Mom has never accepted that she is not safe to live alone in her home (it’s been 3 1/2 years). Sometimes she is more vocal and angry about it than others.

Anosognosia and Dementia - AgingCare.com.pdf

caregiving daughter

Very good you have dpoa. Very good that you are in close touch with providers and are trying to expedite.

In the meantime, I would recommend no trips. Quite honestly, it's too much stimulation for someone with dementia. Too many noises, different foods, and being off schedule could really put someone into stress mode. Do not feel guilty about limiting the travel—you are doing your best.

I would not tell your dad that you cancelled plans. Rather, just say you are postponing the trip given the grandkids have some conflicts. My feeling is that this is not lying as it would be conflict to put a person with dementia, who is experiencing lots of ups and downs, with children.

While you are waiting for appointments, keep things calm, stay on schedule, and encourage needed behaviors however you are able.

Tami1504

I have canceled the next trip and invited my nephews to visit here and I will assist with expenses

mjspurgeon1

This is so heartbreaking and difficult, especially when they seem to make sense. My Pop was the same for a period of time. He would answer questions appropriately making me look like I was crazy when dealing with his doctors. However, that time has passed. Most conversations are incoherent now. He lives in a tiny home in my backyard. We have cameras and door alarm. I manage his meds and give them to him first thing in the morning before he has a chance to get obstinate. He is going through a very difficult phase right now, aggressive, sad, angry, inappropriate. There is no end to the changing of moods. I am working with the VA and of course this is very difficult and time consuming. I don't understand this disease..it makes no sense, no rhyme or reason…