Memory Care Adjustment Challenges

ajennings1012

We just moved my Dad to memory care two weeks ago. My mom continued to take care of him at home as long as she could, so he had a good routine, but could not longer handle the challenges of caretaking. My dad has always been opposed to moving out. He is having an incredibly hard time adjusting to a new place. We thought it would be better if we stopped visiting him there so he would adjust better, but it didn't seem to matter. He is becoming aggressive, throwing furniture, going after workers and residents, tearing his clothes off, etc. He is also barely eating and drinking anything. He finds the environment over-stimulating. The cafeteria is too loud for him with dishes clanking. His sensitivity to sound, touch, light, etc is overwhelming. He got so out of control a couple days ago that the police were called and they took him to the ER, where he is now in inpatient care to get him under control and figure out medications to keep him calm. This has been so difficult. Please tell me things will get better!

harshedbuzz

@ajennings1012

Hi and welcome. I am so sorry for your reason to be here but pleased you found this place.

It can and very likely will get better. Medication can make a tremendous difference in dialing back the anxiety and aggression that drive the catastrophic reactions that caused his behavior. Be reassured that the MCF did the right thing in having him transported.

With the right meds on board, he may settle into the new MCF over the next month or two. That said, now that you've seen aspects of the experience that were triggers, perhaps you can look for ways to tweak his day to make it easier. If he's developed or has long-standing sensory processing issues, he might be more comfortable in sunglasses and noise canceling headphones when outside his room.

I'd also tour other options to see if a different kind of setting would be better for him— perhaps a MCF that is broken into smaller houses with 10 or so residents having meals in a dining room. He might be more comfortable in a smaller adult care home with only a handful of residents if they are available in your area.

Good luck. My dad was pretty awful when he first moved to MC. It took a good 6 weeks and progression before he settled in. He wanted to remain home, but it wasn't possible as his care was killing my mom. He was not cooperative with her, aggressive, had zero empathy for other and his anosognosia made it so he didn't think there was anything wrong with him.

HB

ajennings1012

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/280732#Comment_280732

Thank you for your insight. This is incredibly helpful and encouraging information. I have shared it with my mother and sister.

AmandaF

I agree that there is good reason to think things will improve, especially with someone helping get his meds figured out. My mom was miserable after we moved her to MC, rude and uncooperative with staff and other residents, but after a few weeks (and a change to anxiety meds) she began to relax, and after a few months she was quite happy there. If the sensory issues continue, I agree that it may be worth looking around for a smaller/quieter facility, but ultimately transitions are hard, and it’ll probably just take some time for him to feel comfortable anywhere. Good luck, I hope things get easier soon.

Anonymousjpl123

It can definitely get better. Moving to MC is a notoriously difficult transition. I have a theory that our loved ones know something is wrong but not what, and it’s enraging. My mom had a horrible time adjusting but good geriatric psych care, and very caring staff, made it better.

I would give it time - at least 8 weeks. And absolutely visit other places, just so you have that perspective. Hang in there.