New to This...

jhochstetler

I am new to caring for someone with Alzheimers. My dad was recently diagnosed and he is only 63. In April, his job required him to complete a "fitness for duty" exam by their occ. health doctor. Needless to say, he is no longer working. He drives very little, just around town to the same places he has been visiting for years. He no longer drives to my house since I live 1.5 hrs away. We just started his disability claim and he has benefits through his job until April of 2027. Any and all advice is welcome. My stepmom and I are extremely overwhelmed. Thank you

ajoec

I'm sorry that you are in this situation. My biggest regret is that we didn't get various aspects of life in order sooner and plans made while my dad (FTD) was still pretty good and could help offload his unique knowledge and communicate his desires. The overwhelmed feeling is natural and very normal, so I suggest making an action plan of things to accomplish and then start working through them one by one to make it manageable. Very high-level starter list:

- get POA in place because you will need this later
- get details on all retirement accounts and make sure you or your stepmom control them
- get details on all bills/expenses and make sure you or your stepmom know how to pay them
- get details on insurance policies (health, house, car, life, etc.) - coverages, claims process, renewals, etc.
- start thinking about when driving is no longer good
- start thinking about future care plans — wants vs. needs vs. costs
- etc.

H1235

Welcome. I’m glad you found our group. Ajoec has given great advice. Many/most with dementia develop anosognosia. This is an inability to recognize their own symptoms or limitations. From now on, you can’t just trust his judgment. Just because he seems to be thinking clearly today doesn’t mean he really is. My mom got a new toothbrush every 6 months. I thought she was perfectly capable of swapping it out with her old one. When she moved I found she hadn’t changed her toothbrush out in 2 years. I was shocked. If you truly believe he is able to safely drive and manage finances that’s great, but monitor it very very closely and don’t base your judgment solely on what he tells you. In my experience these abilities are lost very early on. You might check with the insurance company on the car. If he has a diagnosis on file and is in an accident the insurance company may refuse to pay. When you visit the lawyer for the DPOA, they may also want to consider a living will and a will. A conversation with the lawyer about the possible need for Medicaid, the requirements, and what is covered is also important. Dementia care is very expensive. A trust or some way to protect assets may be needed. If there are retirement accounts it might be a good idea to make sure they will accept the DPOA (some require their own form to be filled out). That would be easier to do now. Social security also requires something more than a DPOA, so that is something to look into. The anosognosia can be very rough! Since they believe they are perfectly capable they have this air of confidence that can be very convincing. Don’t be fooled. Sometimes it’s best to just do what needs to be done and not tell him or consult him. Sometimes you might find a fib may save him and you a lot of stress. Other times you may find that if it just doesn’t matter it’s best to agree with him. It’s so hard to take independence from our loved one and even harder when they don’t understand why we are doing it. We often say here, never argue with a person with dementia. It’s best to accept their reality the best you can and find whatever workarounds you need to to keep them safe. I will add a few resources that may be helpful.

DBAT.pdf

understanding-the-dementia-experience.pdf

Anosognosia and Dementia - AgingCare.com.pdf

https://iona.org/therapeutic-fibs-ok/

https://www.helpinghandshomecare.co.uk/care-advice/what-is-show-timing-in-dementia-patients/

harshedbuzz

You need to see a lawyer who specialized in SS disability asap.