I am a long distance caregiver with my siblings

mdmorancie1

My mom was diagnosed with Lewy Body Dementia about 8 years ago. My two brothers and I are her legal co-guardians. She lives with my older brother in another city and has hired caretakers to assist with her care. My younger brother lives in another city as well, but is much closer and visits once a week when he can. I try to visit as often as I can, but I have had some medical issues that limited my travel. As her condition has deteriorated it has become challenging to keep in touch by telephone. I feel tremendous guilt about not being more directly involved with her care. My older brother is quite resentful of me and only texts me when legal documents have to be signed. The hired caretakers don’t tell me much when I call because they are used to communicating with my brother. Today when I was delayed in getting a document signed due to my job responsibilities, he basically accused me of being neglectful of my mom and only thinking about myself. That hit at the core of my guilt. For years, I have felt like most people think that I’m shirking my responsibilities as the only female among my siblings even though my brother volunteered to have my mom live with him. Are there caretakers out there in a similar situation? I am trying to to navigate these feelings on my own and it’s very difficult because I live alone in another state where I don’t have friends who understand what I’m going through.

H1235

My mom with dementia lived with my brother for a short time. He worked full time and actually provided very little actual care, but to hear him talk it sounds like he sat by her side 24/7. My mil was in Al and my sil provided most of her support. She refused to let anyone else help but played the martyr. My mom is now in a facility and my brother does nothing to help. I’m angry and resentful. If it’s too much having her live with him, he should look into a facility. Some people consider it a duty to care for a parent in their home. If that belief is not shared then there is anger and resentment. Family dynamics are complicated and dementia has a way of causing even more problems. My husband doesn’t talk with his sister since his mom has passed and my brother has been so awful to me though all of this I avoid talking to him even now unless absolutely necessary. As a mom I would not want my children to give up their lives to care for me. Having your mom move in with your brother was his decision. He is taking on a lot of work and you should be grateful, but it was still his decision. A nice facility would make his life so much easier. Maybe you could ask what he expects you to do. Could you possibly pay bills from a distance. It’s a difficult situation. So sorry.