Later stages

Anonymousjpl123

Mom moving into late stage. She’s been on hospice over a year (gets really good care!) and is not depressed or anxious. But she is progressing.

If I bring treats I now sometimes (often) have to feed them to her. It hurts to type this. Any advice on getting through these layer stages?

I can’t just check out, but being with her isn’t the same.

caregiving daughter

Your mom is so fortunate to have you. I understand you love her very much.

It's good that she is receiving good care—please now check in on yourself. Ensure you are sleeping adequately, eating right, and getting exercise. If you are not already in an Alz support group, please try to join a live group. You likely don't realize it but you have been feeling grief for a long time. It will be hard now so it's important that you have support. Make a conscious decision on whether you want to make arrangements now or wait. Either approach is just fine but let it be a decision.

Let yourself visit your mom and then perhaps chat a bit with another resident. Helping someone else's day will bring joy to both of you.

April23

I’m there as well. Dad has been on hospice for 7 months. He has a feeding aide during the week and has started pocketing food. He still eats and will still even ask for things occasionally but needs assistance most meals. He’s lost so much weight and is very frail, skin and bones. He’s no longer walking but isn’t bed bound. We thought he had just weeks when he went on hospice but he keeps surprising us. But I know the phone could ring any time.

I don’t bring treats anymore. His voice is a whisper so at visits I just hold his hand and talk to him. He still knows us all which is a blessing. But it’s hard to watch.

As a family we know it can be anytime and I think we’ve all come to a place of acceptance. Everyone gets there at their own pace.

My advice is to say what you need to say to your mom. I think one reason I have peace is because I’ve done that.

Anonymousjpl123

@Caring Daughter so true, thanks for the reminder. I forget because I’m on automatic! It’s easy to fall into that especially since I feel like I need to go a couple of times a week. Hospice has been great offering referrals/help with arrangements I just haven’t done it because I’m not ready.

@April23 yes your dads sounds so much like my moms trajectory. She still recognizes me and for all I know she could go another year! But food is less and less of interest and she does rarely talk beyond one word answers. I have no idea how this will go, what the timeline is. It’s exactly you what you said - a blessing, but hard to watch. I’m going to go for a run tomorrow hopefully clear my head! It’s hard to stay grounded.