Mom constantly asks to go home, even when at home.

mia3372

Hi,

Newbie here. My mom was dx with alzheimer's about 5 years ago. She was in a slow decline (mostly just short term memory) until about 8 months ago. Now she gets very confused, is forgetting certain people, sometimes even my dad. He is her primary caregiver. We have hired part time help so he can leave her to run errands and get a little respite as she is so attached to him she literally follows him around.

One thing that we are noticing is her inability to feel settled. She constantly asks if she lives "here" (her home of 35 years). She always wants to go "home," often asking me to take her to her apartment when I arrive. She asks my dad repeatedly throughout the day when they are going home. When she gets very confused and scared she gets angry and feels we are keeping her from leaving to "go home."

How do others deal with this? We try re-orientation by walking around the house and showing her the furniture and pictures of family. We tell her she is safe and that she is home. If we try to say things like " I see you are upset" she gets even more upset and flies off the handle.

Just unsure as to what to do. Is this a common "phase" or is it something she will most likely continue to do? I have noticed that she is bringing up pets, furniture, people from when I was a little girl, before my dad (step dad actually) was in the picture. She wonders where they are.

Would appreciate some guidance.

Thank you

H1235

Welcome. You might want o talk with her doctor about medication to help with anxiety. I will attach a link.

https://teepasnow.com/blog/how-to-calm-a-person-living-with-dementia-who-is-wanting-to-go-home/

SusanB-dil

Hi Mia - welcome to 'here', but sorry for the reason.

Yes - this is quite common. agreeing with H1235 and the link…

It has been recognized that 'home' is not necessarily a ' specific place', but rather a place where they do, or did, feel the most comfortable and safe. Some light meds helped MIL. Sometimes she still wants to go home, but isn't as agitated about it.

MN Chickadee

It's common. They often start living in the past. I think my mom thought she was a little girl much of the time. Often there is nothing you can do. Trying to orient her, trying to prove she lives here or knows this place probably won't work with her brain condition. Even if you have them look at that old face in the mirror they may still be convinced they are a child - all ability to reason is gone. All you can do is try to make them feel safe and loved. Therapeutic fibbing. Validate and redirect. If she says she doesn't know this place don't try to convince her she does, instead tell her that's ok, this place is safe and you think she will like it here, talk up some attributes, distract to something else. Ask her what she likes most about home. Ask what she wants to say to her parents when she sees them, what she loves about them. Make up excuses for why you can't take her home right now. We'll wait for better weather, I'll take you after I get done with work, I need to get my oil changed first, lets wait for to celebrate my birthday together, etc. This can go on and on, same conversation numerous times a day. It's draining, but all you can do is let it roll off and try not to get hung up on it. You have to just step into their world and since we can't fix their brain, literally all we can do is say whatever brings comfort. As with all things dementia, it is indeed a phase that passes. Respite is very important so the caregivers don't get burned out, the repetition is draining.