Dealing With Emotional Numbness As A 33 Year Old

Chance1778

I Currently Take care of my 79 to almost 80 year old Grandmother, Dealing with her use to be managable in the beginning when i took over to be the caregiver for, But since starting in July of this year each month has gotten to be more and more difficult to where i dont even look at her nor tolerate her the same way in grace, She constantly ALWAYS Have A Stank Attitude everything is alway negative, I try things like giving her music to help her mood when she is in the car, thats the only thing that perks her up, but every day, day to day is becoming for me to be exhausting, I know i have been called to this but it doesnt feel like it, She has no one really to take care of her, I almost at a point of wanting to throw her into a nursing home, Its only been 4 months.

dcare45

I’m glad you found this site and sorry you have a reason to be here.

Sorry if this sounds blunt. You didn’t say specifically however I assume she has dementia or you wouldn’t be here.

If you have never been a caregiver for someone with dementia I highly suggest you educate yourself about what you have gotten into. It is a very,very, very frustrating and difficult task. If you are only 4 months in and already cannot “look at her nor tolerate her” you may want to reconsider your offer to be her caregiver. It’s a years long journey, depending on her stage, and it does not get easier. Everyone is not cut out to do it, husbands, wives, sons, daughters, and good granddaughters such as yourself struggle with it every day.

There are a lot of you tube videos you can watch to see what is coming. Careblazers, tepa snow, tan cummings are a few. Just type in dementia and there are many there. 36 Hour Day is a good reference book.

It is commendable of you to be her caregiver and take on such a responsibility. Come back to the site often for advice from the knowledgeable people here. Please show yourself and Grandmother a little love, she cannot help her brain is broken and you are only human.

Chance1778

@dcare45 My deepest Applogies For Not Acknowledging This Part of it, She Does Have Demenita, I have in the last two months discovered a few tik tok video shorts and videos that talks about the topic, so to get context to the issue, My Moms has suffered two heart attacks to due my grandmothers ill behavior toward her, As a Son A Only Son To Her (My Mother and A Only Grandson To My Grandmother) Everyone thats ever been young on my moms and grandmas side has gotten to my moms age which is early 60s or a little beyond that) or My Grandmas age was younger to be of my age or younger has passed away, they both have cousins and other family members but they yet and still do not fully understand the serious condition of what my grandma has OR They know the condition but dont want anything to do with the condition or wouldnt know what to do to even consider helping out, So i refer to me being the only child, its just that i am the only able body thats young to take care of her, I felt torn when my moms had two heart attacks due to someone elses ill behavior when all the person has ever done was loved that individual and poured her heart out to her so effortlessly so carefree that she did not recieve any love back, saying things as if i wish you was never born or i wish you was aborted, These kinds of things my grandmother has said to my own mother, She even said it again to my face over this past weekend, she isnt because she has now become ill it has only become maginified, that her distain for my mother has gotten even colder as she has gotten older (both of them) So in order to prevent to say both of them health wise i took on the responsiblity, by quiting my job to save them both, We did not trust a stranger we went through all scenarios before making me the primary caregiver, my moms couldnt do it nor my grandma wanted a stranger taking care of her, so i was literally the only option, but like you said i did not know at all what i gotten myself into, hope this build contexts on why i said i felt called cause i prayed and the decision still remained and i had to move quickly in the manner.

But thank you for these resources and suggestions i will look into these this week and this weekend.

Chance1778

I had no where else to turn as a man, had to find something, some community to release this.

RMremdler

@Chance1778 - I get it. Being a caregiver for someone with any of the dementias is an unruly experience. There’s no predictability. There’s no thanks from the one you are providing care to. But, it’s a labor of love.
With that said, if you’re already at the point of frustration then perhaps you should look for other assistance. Whether that is other people who can give you a break or a facility. This disease doesn’t get easier as time goes on unfortunately.

Chance1778

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/284214#Comment_284214

@RMremdler Hello Please Refer To My Context Story and this will Explain alot on why i cannot go this route

Emily 123

Hi Chance1778,

Is she on any medications for her behaviors? It's not unusual for a person with dementia to be depressed or also act out. So it's not unusual for their healthcare provider to prescribe them something to help them be less stressed. Sometimes they have to adjust the medications a few times to find what works, but doing that will help her attitude be more manageable. Taking care of someone like that 24/7 is very difficult.

H1235

Welcome I’m sorry you need to be here. A person with dementia can often be angry and resentful towards the person doing all the work to care for them. They can also lack empathy. If she was difficult before dementia, I can see how it’s hard to distinguish dementia symptoms from less flattering character traits. If this is getting out of hand I would talk with her doctor about increasing her medication or adding something new. You said you can’t get help because she doesn’t want strangers taking care of her. The person with dementia can NOT be the one making decisions! My mom thinks she is perfectly capable of living alone in her home with some occasional help. She was very very angry when I moved her to assisted living, but I couldn’t let her call the shots. She is not capable. Obviously we don’t want to upset our loved ones with dementia, but sometimes there is no other choice. Her brain is not able to understand the necessity of additional help and trying to explain it won’t work. Dementia can be a long journey. Average life expectancy for Alzheimer’s is 10 years, but it could be 20. Given her are, that might seem unlikely, but you never know. At just 30 you hopefully have a long life ahead. You must have dreams, starting a family, opening your own business, traveling… These are going to be incredible difficult if you can’t get started til she has passed. The stress you are experiencing is affecting your health. You are not working, so this will affect your career for many years down the road. Your lack of income will affect your retirement and social security. Might your children (or future children) be forced to support you because of you decision to devote your entire life to her? I know I would NEVER want my children or grandchildren to give up their lives to care for me. I don’t like the idea of a facility, but I accept that depending on circumstances it my be necessary p. You are not just giving up a few years to care for her, you are giving up your whole life. Even with a loved one in a facility there is still a lot to do. You would be her advocate and that’s important. Consulting with doctors and nurses about care, trips to the dentist or specialist, paying bill and managing all finances (Medicaid qualification and reassessment), visiting, bringing snacks and supplies… Have you seen a lawyer? Do you have DPOA? A lawyer can also help you with what Medicaid will cover in your state. You might also want to see your doctor about something for anxiety. Mom is in a facility and still I have had panic attacks and high blood pressure from the stress. Medication has helped me. I will attach a bunch of resources since you are new here.

DBAT.pdf

Anosognosia and Dementia - AgingCare.com.pdf

https://iona.org/therapeutic-fibs-ok/

https://www.medicaidplanningassistance.org/medicaid-eligibility-income-chart/

https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/confabulation-dementia

https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/alzheimers-disease/expert-answers/sundowning/faq-20058511