Caring for mom with limited resources

almost.life

My mother has Alzheimer's, likely Stage 4 at this time but with several concerning events recently making me think we are approaching a need for assisted living (a few bathroom-related accidents when in public places, and increasing difficulty managing tasks like laundry). To date, she lives with my family, including young children, which has made the multi-generational living situation challenging - mom sometimes leaves unsafe things like meds in reachable distance of our kids. She has some modest savings - likely enough to cover two years at an ALF. To stretch these savings, should we keep her with us in our home, or move her now into ALF? The facilities in our area are very expensive, most do not take the Medicaid waiver, but I have found one that does and willing to accept her given her savings. What should I consider when assessing this facility? It's not fancy, but it's close to our home and I have heard positive things from others who have parents at the facility. Essentially, how do I know that this might be the "right time" and that this is the "right place"?

H1235

Welcome. Some facilities will accept the Medicaid waiver after 2 years (number of years varies) of private pay and accept Medicaid as payment in full. When looking for my mom, I asked if the facility accepted Medicaid and they said yes, only to find out that family was expected to pay whatever Medicaid didn’t cover. I unfortunately found this out after I moved mom in. I was forced to move her to a nursing home or a difficult al that was a dump. If the facility needs two years of private pay, you might be better off to move her now. With mom’s limited income and savings I was forced to choose between the best of several bad options. Assisted living will only be good for so long. Most are not locked and wandering is common with dementia. What happens next? Is there a memory care associated with the facility that she could be transferred to or would you move her to a nursing home? Have you talked with anyone (lawyer) about Medicaid qualifications? They can be complicated! You don’t want to get everything setup only to find there was something big that happened a few years ago that disqualifies her. It’s almost impossible to plan when you have no idea what the future holds, but still having some rough idea might be good. As far as when it’s time to move her, that is something that’s different for everyone. As much as I’m sure you love your mom, in my opinion, your children’s safety and happiness should take priority. When my mom lived with my brother she was overwhelmed with daily tasks and things she wasn’t able to do but insisted she could (laundry, cooking, pull weeds in garden...). She made friends in assisted living and was less stressed. I think she enjoyed her independence there and her privacy. While I’m sure she loves the little ones and will miss them, they may be overwhelming to be around all day.