Heartbreak and Reality

JAnn4563

At some point a memory care becomes necessary. When first diagnosed my DH was not recognizing me or our daughter and was running away. After a brief hospitalization and a battery of tests and medication things have improved behaviorally and I think because his eye sight and mobility problems have increased he doesn’t run away. He feels safe with me and gets upset if I’m away from him for almost any length of time. My DH is still very much about putting others first and he is a gentle soul - he does all he can do for himself and I let him so he doesn't feel debilitated and or that I'm "baby sitting" him. He's constantly trying to wait on me and our daughter who we live with and he’s always watching when we finish a meal or a snack so he can take our dish to the sink to help us out or "lighten our load" He says we're always busy and he wants to help. He has several times gotten discouraged and tells me to just put him in a nursing home so I won't have to take care of him so much. He's really a sweetheart and he's adjusted to his limitations without being self-pitying or angry or any other negativity. He's been more moody and accusatory in the past but in the last few months he's been mellow and he loves when people visit us at our home. He needs help dressing and a hand to hold when walking because he loses his balance sometimes and lately he gets confused when he goes into the men’s room when we’re out somewhere. There are too many doors and if there are no other men going out the exit door he cannot find his way out. This disease is so unpredictable.

Maru

The love you have for your DH comes through in your writing. It is painful when we see our LO struggle, when they get confused. Memory care becomes a necessity when the POD is abusive, when the caretaker can no longer physically care for their LO with dementia, when the POD becomes a danger to themselves or when the emotional burden becomes too overwhelming for the caretaker. Not every POD is placed in MC. Some remain in their homes until the end when the caretaker can find the help they need. My DH is sweet, gentle and helpful and my goal is to keep him home, but I know that I need to have a backup plan ready in case he will need MC. Thank you for the reminder that I need to make the rounds of the local MC places and get his name on a list.

JAnn4563

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/284809#Comment_284809

Thank you for your comment. I’m able to care for him so far and I pray that I stay healthy enough to keep taking care of him. It’s hard for me to leave him in someone else’s care even for a few hours because I know his specific needs and I know how easy it is to think he can maneuver a curb or an incline a small bump or even a shadow to walk across without help and how easy it is for him to fall when he can’t see right or sees it through the disease? He needs help putting his clothes on properly and heating coffee in the microwave and many other things and whoever helps him if I’m not around needs to be patient and not a bit irritated or nervous because my DH will withdraw and be sad or upset because he thinks he’s done something wrong. For instance if DH spills his coffee and I get up quickly to get clean up stuff he thinks I’m upset Or if he needs to urgently get to the restroom and I do too or he needs help getting up and my knees or back make me slow to stand and walk or bend down to help put on or take off his shoes or slacks; it takes a lot of whatever it takes to take care of him and me too - although it’s almost humorous that we’re both in that condition at the same time.