by Dio - Day of Move Ideas for Placement - Success

Everything was getting ready for my wife to move into a facility when she had what we thought might be TIAs. So we got her in the hospital, and nothing was found, but they kept her until her room was ready at the facility. She went by ambulance, so I didn't have to worry about that part. We told her she had to go there for rehab, and although she wasn't happy with that, it kind of worked.

Your situation is much different. I like the idea of putting the spin on it as a new place to eat, then excusing yourself to use the bathroom, without returning. The facility needs to know what will transpire before it does, so they can have aides ready to redirect and comfort him as much as possible. You could also ask the facility if they have any suggestions.

My wife is physically healthy and able to perform most of her ADL's. She has moderate dementia along with global aphasia that limits her ability to communicate, but is generally aware of her surroundings.

Placement for my wife was completely handled by the MCF. She had been in the hospital and upon release the hospital neurologist arranged for the MCF to transport her to their facility. Prior to her being discharged I met with her doctor and the neurologist who recommended I have no part in the placement process. They also felt it would be a good idea for me to stay away for 5-7 days after she was placed. That was nine months ago. When I visit now she still tries to gather her things as in her mind she thinks I am there to take her home.

Dio,

It's a tough one for sure - might be tougher on you than your LO. 

 My DH was in a rehab facility after having been hospitalized - so on the day he was to go to MC, I came in and said, do you want to go to a better rehab place?  to which he enthusiastically replied, "Yes"!  (He didn't like his roommate).  We did the very short drive, just played music, no real  discussion of anything,  the MC people were there to greet us and we showed him to his room.  It was close to lunch time.  I did leave after about 10 minutes, without saying goodbye because I knew that would cause distress.  So...it was a smooth transition to begin with.  Other stuff happens as days go by, but every person is different.

 Fingers crossed for you, my friend!!!  You will get through, I know.

I told my husband that I had to have tests and a procedure done in the hospital and I would be there for several weeks. I explained that we had no one who could stay with him but that I had lined up a place for him to stay. When we got there he asked how long he had to stay and I told him two to three weeks. I left very shortly after that because I wanted it to seem pretty normal. He adjusted and when I went back to see him in three weeks he never asked to come home. He had started to become agitated and angry at home but I hadn’t taken him in to see a doctor. At the memory care they saw him immediately and they started him on meds to help him be less agitated. I think that helped with his adjustment.

I'm so sorry, Dio. This is not an easy move.

I'm not in the same situation as you at all - I didn't place my spouse, I placed my younger sister. But I had to deal with most of the same behaviors as everyone else who has posted here. At the time, Peggy was fairly together, but was having a lot of trouble with her ADLs. It was time for her to be in memory care - past time, when I look back at it.

What we ended up doing was to have Peggy sit outside with one of her good friends. They went over a scrapbook I put together of our Italy cruise (we squeaked by on that one, but that's another story for another day). Peggy was so happy going over everything, and telling her friend all about it.

While Peggy was outside with her friend, me, my partner, and Peggy's best friend put together her room. We brought many of her favorite (but not valuable, or breakable) things, as well as getting her new purple (her favorite color) sheets for her bed, and a small light purple dresser. I got her a nightlight shaped like a kitty cat - that thing is so cute I can barely stand it. But man, it does the job, and it helped to calm Peggy down.

When she first moved in there were tantrums. She was petrified of moving into memory care. She thought we were going to abandon her in some hellscape of a place. Staff thought in our case that we should visit often, so we all did. After about three weeks she stopped believing we were just going to drop her off and forget about her, and she calmed down, and even told me she wished she had moved there sooner. Not the norm, I know. To this day she tells me she's glad she's there.

Dio so glad everything went well for your dh and that they called to let you know how it was going! Thank goodness for your good friend. Take care of yourself now, hope you got that much needed good night sleep.

I doubt it Dio. Give it time...and follow their lead on when to visit. It's very hard, and it's hard to know whether it's harder on you or him. After a year, I continue to hope that there is mercy in her not remembering and not having a sense of time. But I still wonder, and fear for her suffering. And miss her dreadfully.