Stranger in the mirror
Yesterday, DH asked me to come look at something. In front of the mirror he said, “who’s that guy? He looks right at me. What’s he doing here?”. Another time, “how do I make him go away?”. This repeated several times throughout the day, in different mirrors.
Once I stood beside him, touched his arm as we both looked in the mirror and said “that’s us. See? Doesn’t he look like you? That’s our reflection in a mirror. Every time you look, he’ll be there, it’s you”. He didn’t think the guy looked like himself 😞 and I’m not sure he recognized me…because he asked who those 2 people were when we stood side by side.
Oddly, this morning as I’m talking him through shaving, I asked who he was looking at and he said “me” as he looked in the mirror 👍 But just moments before in another mirror he was asking and concerned about “who that guy is” and pointing to him.
I’ve read online that self-mirror recognition can be lost with frontal and temporal damage, and if coupled with the inability to reason they can’t reject the delusion that a stranger is in their home or surroundings.
I believe we are at end of Stage 6, based on behaviors and particular loss of abilities. I guess I’m wondering if this has happened to some of you. Did you end up needing to cover mirrors or did they settle down about it? What stage did this occur with your LO?
Comments
-
This happened in stage 5 for us and not for too long. Later though, she was fine with her reflection. I have heard of the need to cover the mirrors or avoid rooms with them. Such a “twilight zone” like disease.
0 -
Indeed!
0 -
I don't remember who it was, but someone said their spouse lost their self-identification, and rather enjoyed the person in the mirror, making friends with the image.
2 -
My wife would sometimes be frightened of the person in the mirror in our bathroom particularly when she just got out of the shower. I purchased suction cup curtain rod holders & hung curtains on the mirror so I could open & close the curtains as needed. Interestingly she was never frightened of the person in the mirror in the living room, that was her friend and she would carry on conversation with her.
2 -
If he seems to remain anxious or suspicious I’ll eliminate the mirrors. It would be nice if he enjoyed the person in there, but that’s not the case so far. Thanks All, for sharing your experience with it.
0 -
oh boy... i haven't encountered that yet, but, my husband thinks hes a lot younger than his actual age, and didn't seem to recognize himself when i held up the mirror to show him his nice close shave. I also notice that he is much more pleasant to me when i wear my hair down, the way i used to years ago. ( this is a rare occurrence nowadays, as i barely have time to do any hair care, lol.)
Just one more weird thing to deal with....
Maureen
2 -
I told this story several years ago but this seam like a good time to retell it. When the Covid shot was new, I got an appointment to get vaccinated at pop up clinic being held at the local YMCA. My wife, myself and our CNA went to the appoint which was set up in an exercise room with floor to ceiling mirrors. There were about 30 people in the room waiting to get vaccinated, getting vaccinated or waiting the required 15 minutes after the shot. When I opened the door to the room and my wife saw her reflection she yelled, “you didn’t tell me my girlfriend was going to be here”, and proceeded to run up to the mirror and began talking to her. Was I glad the aide was with us in her nurses outfit & credentials around her neck.😂
It was one of those funny moments on this crazy journey.
4 -
Joe C, great story. I’d be pleased with anything that made my DH happy, no matter how seemingly absurd. When i got home from work, DH was talking about the “guy” again while standing in front of the mirror, wanted me to try to talk to him. DH chuckled and said “he pointed at me”. I asked “did he point first?” DH “yes”. 😊 The antics continue…..
1 -
Howaboutnow, does your DH have a companion caregiver while you are working? Since you are thinking he is later stages, it could be a good idea to have someone who can monitor this behavior and also keep your DH engaged.
This only happened briefly for us, in Stage 5 and possibly on the tail end or beginning of a UTI. DH was brushing his teeth one day and I realized he had paused, and was just staring extra long at himself (I thought). Water running, just looking. Then he grimaced or made a wacky kind of face, raised his fist and shook it "at the guy in the mirror". When I asked what he was doing, that's what he said, something about the guy looking at him and he wanted to let him know not to mess with him. I got him out of the bathroom and changed the subject.
I'm glad that did not continue as far as I know. I would not have wanted him to progress to punching the mirror or anything like that. We don't have other mirrors in the room that he sleeps in now (hospital bed) and I keep the door closed to our former bedroom so he hasn't seen the dresser mirror for almost 2 years.
0 -
DW is early stage 6. For the last couple of years she has not recognized her reflection in the mirror. I am grateful that she always has been a very social person, and that part of her personality has not changed. She believes the woman in the mirror to be a friend and will often seek out her friend in the bathroom mirror to hold a friendly conversation with her. Many aspects of dementia are difficult or overwhelming. Some bring a smile 😃.
2 -
ButterflyWings, thank you, yes, we have a really good Caregiver for when I’m at work. DH, like yours too, for some time has stared extra long in the mirror, as if he’s trying to figure something out…so maybe he’s not recognized himself for awhile and his disinhibition has just now let him verbalize it. In retrospect, i think he’s internalized a lot of his confusion the past few years but as things progress he doesn’t filter himself so much. Which to me, is a good thing, cause i want to have some idea of what is upsetting him even though it’s not based in reality. His perceptions and delusions are his reality though, aren’t they?
But as he’s losing words, and he tries to explain what he’s upset about,,,there aren’t many nouns used. It’s arm movement and alot of “over there” and “they” “then”…so i most often don’t know what is going on in his mind. But the guy in mirror that he wants to get rid of,,,he’s communicating that.
Rocky2: I’ve heard a few other instances where a female finds the person in the mirror to be a friend and men are more suspicious and maybe territorial or defensive, like “get off my lawn” about it 🤪
0 -
I went upstairs the other day
To see the man who wasn’t there.
He wasn’t there again today.
Gee, I wish he’d go away!
1 -
My DH is also late stage 6, FTD and ALZ. The other day I was making his bed for him and he looked at the mirrored closet doors and said, those people are nice, we should do something with them sometime!
He talks to imaginary people all day anyhow, so I think it doesn't bother him when he sees "friends" in the mirror.
2 -
I find mirrors really play such tricks on pwd. My wife has misidentified me in the mirror and her self. Depth perception must play a big apart as she sees me in the mirror like I am really in that space. I step out of the mirrors view and touch her and suddenly I am behind her.
1
Commonly Used Abbreviations
DH = Dear Husband
DW= Dear Wife, Darling Wife
LO = Loved One
ES = Early Stage
EO = Early Onset
FTD = Frontotemporal Dementia
VD = Vascular Dementia
MC = Memory Care
AL = Assisted Living
POA = Power of Attorney
Read more
Categories
- All Categories
- 458 Living With Alzheimer's or Dementia
- 230 I Am Living With Alzheimer's or Other Dementia
- 228 I Am Living With Younger Onset Alzheimer's
- 13.7K Supporting Someone Living with Dementia
- 5.1K I Am a Caregiver (General Topics)
- 6.6K Caring For a Spouse or Partner
- 1.7K Caring for a Parent
- 144 Caring Long Distance
- 102 Supporting Those Who Have Lost Someone
- 10 Discusiones en Español
- 2 Vivir con Alzheimer u Otra Demencia
- 1 Vivo con Alzheimer u Otra Demencia
- 1 Vivo con Alzheimer de Inicio Más Joven
- 8 Prestación de Cuidado
- 1 Soy Cuidador (Temas Generales)
- 6 Cuidar de un Padre
- 22 ALZConnected Resources
- View Discussions For People Living with Dementia
- View Discussions for Caregivers
- Discusiones en Español
- Browse All Discussions
- Dementia Resources
- 6 Account Assistance
- 16 Help