How to prepare my DH for a flight

I recently flew with my husband. I found holding on to his ID, the ticket etc was crucial. Make sure to have a copy of your DPOA, health directive and any other necessary paperwork. Do remember to check the pocket on the seat in front of him to make sure nothing gets left behind. I did not and my husband’s phone was missing for the rest of our trip. (After we got home and had replaced the phone, United found it and returned it to us.) I also put apple tags in his wallet and our suitcases. I was grateful for trip insurance as I did need to change our plans mid way through the trip. Is there any way to change your flights to daytime flights? I found being back in our hotel room in the early evenings helped. Also pack Covid test kits, a thermometer and basic cold meds and easy to eat snacks. I ended up with a wicked virus and having to get myself to the ER to be tested and rehydrated was very stressful. Also making sure my husband had something to eat while I was sick was hard. (I had forgotten to pack the recommendations above.) This was probably our last trip alone. I will travel to family or with family but not alone for 10 days.

I don't have any personal experience with this, but wanted to wish you well on your trip. It might be good to have copies of the POA and other essentials copied to your phone. That could really be handy.

There are special services available for flights concerning PWD. Others will tell you about it.

Prepare as much as possible for potential problems, and hope you don't have any. I hope you both enjoy the trip.

Hey there @Lola V

I second what @Joe C. says about TSA Cares. It's exactly as he describes it. I did this with my sister Peggy when we went to Italy in 2019, and it was a godsend. I also made sure that all of the nearby flight attendants knew what was up so that if Peggy did something inappropriate, they would know how to interact with her. We did this trip as a cruise so that Peggy could create a mini routine while on the trip, so I told various staff what was up so that they would know how to interact with her too.

Peggy was at the tail end of stage 4, and just dipping her toes into stage 5, so it was kind of 'now or never' trip. Italy was her bucket list item, and since she hadn't been on a plane since 2001, I knew she really wanted to go.

Other things to think about - do you think he'll need a wheelchair to get through the airports? At the time we went on our trip, Peggy was fully able to walk, but she was still somewhat slow. I wasn't sure we'd make a connecting flight out of Heathrow, London, so I made sure to have a wheelchair so that we could move faster. If you've got large airports to navigate, it's something to consider.

Is your DH still continent? If it's even a tiny question, bring a few supplies. I just referred to the Depends as "the other underwear", and it was just fine. Knowing the locations of all the nearby bathrooms was handy too, although with an Alaskan fishing trip, maybe this is not an issue. I've only been to Alaska a couple of times, both times for conferences.

I also second what @MLR94087 says. I kept all of the paperwork with me - DPOA, passport, other ID. I was worried about Peggy's phone and that she'd lose it somewhere in Italy, so right before we left, we accidentally "misplaced" it in her room. She was upset for a short while but then she forgot about it. When we got back, I "found" the phone exactly where I had left it. Ahh, fiblets, but when you need them, you need them. 🙂

Lola, i hope it goes well, but i would also go armed with a backup plan if it doesn't. What are you going to do if it proves overwhelming for him? Having a bailout strategy might be important. Operation Hope Not, as Churchill famously called his funeral plans.....

Put a luggage tracker in his wallet so that if he gets lost you can find him. I have an Apple luggage tag in my DH's wallet. He lost it the other day and found it via my phone.

Good luck. I comment you for doing this. It can be so stressful traveling with a PWD. I am sure he is going to greatly appreciate this. Let us know how it goes.

We last traveled two years ago. One of my fears was losing my husband at the rest room if they have two exits. Check out where the family rest rooms are in advance if the airport terminal maps are available. Or ask the TSA Cares representative before he leaves you after security.

Congratulations and I too hope all goes even better than expected. And..."no expectations" are best, if you can muster it.

My DH and I have traveled a few times including internationally, long after anyone here advises. Always with a companion person or several! (HB!). For me, it is literally a moment-by-moment thing and whatever happens as long as we are safe, is OK. This is the absolute truth of how I have had to adjust my attitude, if traveling with him after a certain point in his progression. So that means, if we get to the airport and he won't get out of the Uber, OK. We're headed home.

Or, if you get to your destination safely but he is not up for fishing the first couple of days, will that be ok? (M1!)That is a possible scenario, and that's one reason why your ground transit and activities is where it helps to have another (non PWD) traveler. It sounds like you have part of the airport travel locked and loaded, with TSA Cares on board. Awesome service. They are the only way we have been able to travel including a couple of flights in late Stage 6.

Have you requested a wheelchair? Even if he can walk, I would recommend you request a wheelchair, if your DH will ride in it. That way, when TSA Cares whisks you through security, they will hand you off to the airline partner's wheelchair escort to take you both through the boarding process. Curb to airplane door escort is priceless. I've had both TSA Cares and the airline wheelchair aide do a toileting standby, allowing me or both to do our business in the family restroom while they waited outside the door and watched our bags.

You don't want to be like me on an early AD trip with DH when he exited the other men's room door several yards away from me (waiting dutifully at the entrance)(JJ401!). I only realized it when I recognized him stepping onto the people mover headed the wrong way. I hope they destroy all the airport surveillance footage after a certain number of days because I have made a spectacle of myself more than once, trying to keep up with my oblivious and adventurous DH lol.

It has been worth it, but not without some angst and close calls. My DH is a wandering spirit and I have to rig noisemakers and barricade the doors where-ever we are, to be sure he doesn't wake up and go walkabout when I'm sleeping. Learned by accident after that happened once.

• I will search for an old thread on this same topic that had most of these great ideas. Just in case there's something we missed. If I can locate it, I will post it. I hope you have a great time!

Lola - I found the thread from late 2021. Most comments said "don't do it". (The PWD LO in that discussion was Stage 5 I think).

Alert - My post below is long! Note, more than a year after this, when I was certain our traveling days were over, I was happy (delirious) to realize my DH was progressing out of his "housebound" phase where he absolutely would not leave the house, grabbing the door jambs, the whole 9 yards. So when we got a chance for a very special international trip - all expenses paid, I jumped at the opportunity and was willing to risk Plan B (aka "turn around and return home at any point") if it didn't work out. Miraculously, TSA Cares and airline wheelchair escort, plus 4 fellow travelers made it a successful trip in Stage 6 and we have had another very successful domestic trip since then. Glad that you are giving it a try.

• "How to Prepare my DH for a flight" Discussion 66015
• ButterflyWings 
•  Member
• August 2021
• 
  
• Lots to say on this! I flew with my DH internationally in Stage 4. The flight was not a problem, with movies and food to keep him occupied. Airport dynamics, were tough. Here are some reflections:
• PWDs don't rush well. We missed a few flights due to his slowing down when I needed us to hustle on to the gate! 
• We lost track of things going through security AND through customs. I say put key things in 1 bag that you can really keep an eye on. And guard it with your life. Clothes, belts, etc. can be easily replaced. Cell phone, wallet, keys, your only cash, IDs, not so much.
• While you're at it. supervise the packing to minimize unnecessary "stuff" that will cause delays and maybe even stop you for an open bag check in security. DH stashed water bottles and metal stuff like a butter knife (why?) after I packed. Watch him.
• Depends were not in our repertoire back then, but are a great option! Adult wipes too.
• Snacks that can go through security in your carry-on bag or jacket pocket, like granola bars, dried fruit, etc.
• Use family bathrooms before getting on the plane. I nearly lost DH a couple of times with men's rooms that had one entrance and a separate exit. Didn't see him come out & he was following the crowd onto a people mover heading the wrong direction.
• Recently read on these boards that you can get TSA transport. That is safest. Hindsight.
• We had a terrible experience in Brussels with a an airline staffer/customs manager that insisted on separating us for the Q&A as they examined our passports. I refused to go into a different line, and handed him a card indicating AD - he told me to step away or we'd be taken to a different area and not allowed to make our connection at all. We almost missed it, and a 2 week "last time" trip to visit friends abroad. The guy was a jerk. Very hostile and baiting my DH who started to take offense at his condescending attitude and confusing questions like 'quote the 3rd amendment to the constitution'. Seriously. (What? Why?) Dude was an a*hole with the power to strand us halfway across the world. Luckily I got the attention of a young woman supervisor who intervened and took both of us aside, quickly cleared us to board and we were on our way. But I was traumatized.
• Last thing, I was exhausted in hotel on an early trip and we turned in for the night. Next morning I awoke to evidence DH had obviously left the room unbeknownst to me. Took the elevator down and picked up brochures from the lobby I guess. He was obsessive about taking the key in its numbered holder, so that he found the room again. Said he went to buy a soda but then didn't have any money (didn't think about that beforehand). Really scared me, realizing how easily he could have exited the hotel and been lost for good. No ID on him in a strange city, acting strange...recipe for disaster.
• If you will be in a hotel, maybe get him an ID bracelet in case wandering occurs, and definitely secure the door somehow. Even an alarm mat to wake you if he gets up?
• Alas, that ship has sailed for us. There will be no more flights and not many more road trips. He doesn't always know who I am and is disagreeable + resistant to the point one of us might get arrested lol. Even staying at home requires Seroquel, Sertraline (for depression/anxiety), and the occasional melatonin drops in his water or juice to help slow him down +promote sound sleep at night with 10mg prescribed by his Dr. And that's in a familiar, boring place like home.
• However, depending on the stage and cooperation level of your DH, I won't say don't try it.
• 
  
• Just give yourself LOTS of extra time if you do. 
• Does he like music? If he will wear ear buds, that may be helpful in just following you through airport crowds. Also to calm down or just pass the time in flight. 
• You know your LO best. 
• Do the family and friends you are visiting know his diagnosis and what it means?
• Share these links with them https://tamcummings.com/stages-of-dementia/
• https://www.alzinfo.org/understand-alzheimers/clinical-stages-of-alzheimers/ And a GREAT one:
•  http://www.dementiacarestrategies.com/12_pt_Understanding_the_Dementia_Experience.pdf
• If you're willing to possibly have to cancel the trip at the gate, soon after arrival, or otherwise end it early...maybe its worth the try, just to see.
•  
• But be prepared for all the things others have said. It could go ok. If so, it will probably really disorient him for quite a while, even in the best case. And after you get there, you still have to get back! Is there anyone who could fly with you, so you can just concentrate on DH and they can handle the navigating, bags, food, etc. etc.?
• Good luck, whatever you decide. Our "last hurrah" was super exhausting for me and we had some frightening near misses in transit and on the ground, (He disappeared 1x for 5 minutes and we were at the ocean's edge after dark (!!!) walking to the parking lot after dinner and he was right behind me. Until he wasn't. We launched a search and it was a terrifying few minutes. Later learned he had gone back to the water's edge alone, to get his (non-existent) sweater (it was 70 degrees late at night). But he could easily have ended up in the crashing surf just walking the wrong way after dark. By accident, or on purpose as he was still pre-anosognosia then, so very aware of the diagnosis at times and wrestling with having been forced to retire immediately, etc. I tell you, the terrifying thoughts that crossed me and our friends' minds until he turned up. Whew! But otherwise, with lots of good fortune, the help of friends and angels, and me being on super alert, we made it through the entire trip and I will say I am so glad we took the long dreamt of, trip, even though it was vastly different because he already had changed a lot. 
• And of course he forgot it all by the time we returned. So the memories were really only for me and the good friends we had been promising to visit for a long time. The memories are mostly good, but bittersweet. I would do it again at stage 4, but not with how my DH was by stage 5. Just not worth it. Not only stressful for both of us, but actually dangerous at points. I had not realized that possibility at all. 
• And I would not have gone without him then. But I might in the near future once the variants are less of a threat and I can identify respite options. Stage 6d* is where we are right now (*updated from 6c after re-reading the links above!). Incontinence, hallucinations, delusions, refusal to do anything on time, period. If at all! lol. But I heard on first joining this forum to travel if you want, while you can. Because the window of opportunity will close sooner than later due to this progressive disease. So...if you can go, go. But have the lowest expectations, plan for the worst, and hope for the best. I guess that's what we do every day.