Husband with Dementia

Hi Bitsey,

I am so sorry that you are having these stressful experiences. We can all relate, and there will be some great advice here, you can be sure of that. It sounds as thought you have your legal ducks in order. This is priority number one. You will see this echoed all over the site, about going to see an elder law attorney, etc.

Do you have any help at home so that you can get out by yourself or with a friend? I'm finding that this is my priorty for this fall. We need to get out, even if only to have small talk with strangers. Also, the local library is a great place to meet new people. Libraries have become community centers, and there are many social events there. Will your daughter enjoy a concert? Most libraries have free musical events.

Tomorrow i am interviewing a retired lady who i am hoping will come to the house and watch over my DH while I work from home for a few hours a day. I need to be able to focus without him distracting me. Fingers crossed! Next step is to find someone who can free me up so that I can leave the house!

I think the loneliness and the depression are part of this rotten deal . And a lot of us feel that we don't really 'fit in" with a particular social group. I can say that this forum is a great support system. You can vent your frustrations with us!

One more thing... if you like to sing, joining a chorus or choir is GREAT for your mental health. You dont have to be talented to experience the joy. Music is what keeps me going.

I hope these ideas were helpful. It takes us awhile to be able to make ourselves a prority, because we have so many other things to take care of.

Take good care,

Maureen

Hi Bitsey, I have the same problem with isolation, loneliness and depression. I go for walks when I can, talk to neighbors, read, exercise and nap. Rinse and repeat. If it is possible for you to get someone to come in and stay with your DH while you go out for awhile, that would really help. I wish I had more to offer.

Bitsey, welcome. Glad you're here but for the reason. We caregivers know exactly what you are going through. Loneliness, isolation, depression, anxiety are all part of what this terrible disease does to the caregiver. For the last 2 years I have felt like I'm in prison. I shake off that feeling by focusing on my DH and trying to be a better caregiver to him. My DH, 78, was diagnosed with dementia 2 years ago (they think vascular but without an MRI they can't be sure and he can't have an MRI). Anyway, sadly it wouldn't make a difference if we knew what type. The behaviors are similar. Before his diagnosis we traveled full time in an RV for 12 years. A great adventure that we both loved. I realized something was wrong during COVID when we parked in one place for awhile. We haven't been out to dinner in 2 years. When we do go somewhere it doesn't go well. His daughter is disabled and lives in another state so no help there. My daughter offered but she works full time 12 hours a day 6 days a week and I don't want to burden her. I do have respite care on day per week for 4 hours and at first that worked for me to get caught up on my doctor's appointment but now I don't know what to do or where to go in 4 hours. All my friends live in other cities or states. My sister also has dementia and I go visit her every other week but that adds sadness & stress so I dread it. Hope you get a good caregiver so you can go socialize. Maybe join a support group. ALZ has resources on that. I found one at a church nearby but the day and time didn't work with my caregiver's schedule. I also thought about a library. I love to browse books. I could take my laptop and at least have some coffee and be around people. Someone posted this link about the portions of the brain and stages of Dementia. It helped me understand what was happening. Also get the book "The 36 Hour Day" which was recommended by a nurse. It has helped me and so many others so much. Also keep coming here to vent and ask questions. We are walking the same or similar path as you and people here understand. I try to talk to family member but no way they could possibly understand. Nobody can unless you live it. Glad you're working on getting help.

Hi Bitsey and welcome to the forum. I'm sorry you need to be here but if you need it, it is a good place to be. As was mentioned above, the first thing you need to do if you haven't already is to see an elderlaw attorney. There is always someone who has been in your situation and can answer your questions and share their experience with you. You also might want to read the book "The 36 Hour Day." It has some good information in it. If you haven't already done it, consider looking into getting some help. Being able to get away even for a couple of hours is so important to your well being. Are there any adult daycare centers near you? Some caregivers have taken their LOs to one with success. As to the loneliness and isolation, I'm afraid those are very common feelings that go along with being a caregiver for someone with dementia. Even so, try to find something each day to be grateful for or that helps you feel happy. I know it's hard but you have found a good place and a safe place and everyone here will do their best to help you. We care about you. Sending hugs.

Brenda

I'll add my welcome too. Although i have two grown kids from a previous marriage who are emotionally supportive, they aren't here for the day to day. This group keeps me afloat. It is indeed very lonely.

This is my first post. My husband was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s Dementia about a month ago. He is in the early/moderate stage I think. I feel like l have a permanent lump in my throat and l can get choked up and cry at the drop of a hat. He was my rock and a father to whom our 5 sons could talk to. But its become almost impossible for him to converse.

It’s very late and I need to go to bed so I’ll post more tomorrow. I’ll be praying for all of you. Goodnight