Unmarried partner not living together
So as a friend/gf I don’t know what I can or should do. He is not close with his adult children, I don’t think they do much more than a text on his birthday.
Suggestions. I have not found any support group on Kauai. The Neuro specialists are on Oahu and he has gone there by himself. I feel like some intervention, treatment or something should be started. The appointments and referral to Pacific Neuro science have been spaced out by so much with nothing really happening. Frustrated
Comments
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Mary, Welcome but sorry you needed to seek out our community. Are his children aware of the diagnosis? I have no advice on your situation other than be careful about how much you get involved in his financial and health care decision. I could see this becoming a big issue with his adult children.
I did find 2 support on Kauai on the link below. I wish you the best.
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I agree with Joe. If your bf wants you to get involved I would recommend seeking out a CELA and have legal paperwork done. Without the paperwork his adult children could make life difficult for you. Now is the time to have some hard conversations and make plans while he still can.
good luck and please keep us updated❤️
this is a great place for advice and support
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What is CELA
i don’t know if he has told his children.
I did speak to his sister in CA. She helps care for his brother who has ALZ.I don’t think he realizes how much his short term memory is affected.
he depends on me for social activities. We got together about 5 years ago as si flea who wanted a travel partner. Now I wonder what our travel future might be. It makes me so sad as he is one of the sweetest gentleman I have ever known.
how do I even brooch the subject about his kids who rarely contact him? Especially his son? They are all far away. I have never met. Plus his step children who he raised as well. They all wanted to talk to me after his open heart surgery 4 years ago. Then nothing.
I will look at link for support group. The neurologist on Oahu has not said much. No real guidance. Lifestyle doc apt in 2 weeks. I think his lifestyle is good, plays pickleball, rides bike, swims, eats fish and vegies, sleeps ok, super easy going, nothing seems to stress him. Me, I’m the worrier. I do t want to stir up trouble but I see the writing on the wall, it may be faint now, but I k ow it’s coming. I want him to stay happy and not be distressed.
any guidance for best books on subject for MCI. How much time is there? Our Africa trip got cancelled and we were talking about a New Zealand one.
thank you
Mary
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CELA is a Certified Elder Law Attorney . Very important for this bumpy journey.
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The 36 Hour Day is an excellent resource
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I put a hold on it at the library. Thank you
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Mary, My wife and I traveled quite a bit from early stage up to mid stage 6. We took several trips to Europe, the Caribbean, Canada and various US destinations. In the early stages travel was no problem but in the later stages we always travel with family members. My advice is that if you want to travel do it now, it will only become more difficult as time goes by. Also if you are flying out of US airports google the TSA Cares program, by registering with TSA Cares they will assist you in navigating security.
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Never heard of tsa cares. I was thinking that time could be running out for travel.
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The attached link provides the number for TSA Cares. When flying with DW I would register with them and when I got to the security checkpoint they would provided a dedicated TSA officer to guide us through screening and make sure we didn’t get separated.
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wow. I forgot about my posting , things have gotten super complicated. We did travel to New Zealand 2/24. But his memory go soo much worse. I became financially strapped due to huge increases in my HOA fee( up by 1000 to 2000/month) and had to make plans to leave, moved my daughter and grandson.
my friends kids never would answer. His ex wife showed up and claimed I left him with meds in his drawers and was so stressed and needed someone to help, called me horrible names as if I was in it for the will. Anyway while I was gone she changed his phone and number and took him to the mainland, lying that I was waiting there for him. She’s taking him to his sisters and now I can no longer talk to or communicate with my very sweet friend. I’m sure he feels abandoned, that what hi last text says”don’t throw me out with the bath water”I’m devastated. We were so close , now nothing and nothing I can do.
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Even though his family misunderstood your relationship and treated you so bad maybe it is best for him to be with family. This is a hard road and with the legal limitations I don't know how a friend no matter how close can take care of all the things that have to be done. documents need to be signed and decisions made that you need to legally be able to do. Best of luck to you and your future.
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maybe it is. He did have me listed as hi POA as he trusts me more than anyone. But with all the stress and not having ability to take him in to live with me, his financial problem making his monthly payments, it is better that his sister is taking him in.
It’s just so upsetting not to be able to talk. I know he’s asking for my number and trying to figure out why I am not calling him. Just so rotten the way it ended. After all the really tough year of me asking his sister for help, she finally saw the urgency of the situation. I’m afraid he will progress more in the change of living situation.
Thank you for your comment. It’s going to take awhile to get through this grief
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Commonly Used Abbreviations
DH = Dear Husband
DW= Dear Wife, Darling Wife
LO = Loved One
ES = Early Stage
EO = Early Onset
FTD = Frontotemporal Dementia
VD = Vascular Dementia
MC = Memory Care
AL = Assisted Living
POA = Power of Attorney
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