DOES ANY ONE PUT THEIR LO IN THE BACK SEAT WHILE DRIVING?

That sounds dangerous. What if he grabs the steering wheel next? I know I’m speaking the obvious here. How soon can he be placed in a memory care facility and /or does he need to be admitted to GeriPsych and stabilized, then discharged straight to a long term care facility from there? You don’t sound safe in this situation.

I’m so sorry. That sounds awful for both you and him. I’m glad you’re getting respite soon. I wish our society had a good system. I hope maybe he qualifies for Medicaid and a Medicaid-funded long term care bed somewhere soon if possible. Hugs to you.

I’m so sorry.. hopefully the help you have coming will give you some relief and peace.. and praying the meds provide calming rest..

Maureen, I'm really sorry. You must have been scared to death. Do you think it might be worth testing for a UTI? Just a thought.

@gampiano

I suppose the backseat with the child safety locks engaged is safer, but if he's still able to work the buckle, he could still come up from behind you or even just be a distraction than renders you an unsafe driver.

There was a woman in our support group whose DH had just enough cognition left to showtime; she used Ubers when she needed to take him somewhere as they could both sit in the back. He liked having a "driver" as opposed to his wife driving. She also arranged to have anything delivered than could be-- prescriptions, Pea Pod, amazon shopping.

HB

What Battlebuddy and harshedbuzz said. DH went through a long period of refusing to leave the house. It was so tough for me, being housebound, but prior to that we had a few scary episodes where I only wished he'd ride in the back seat but he vehemently refused.

Once he tried to jump out of a moving car (Stage 4), and I think it was later that same year when he gave me the surprise of my life, coming out of the pharmacy for a super quick pick up, only to find the rental car missing from the parking space I'd left it (and him) in, car left running with parking brake on, with the air-conditioner and radio on as I had done about once a month before, with no issue. He had not driven in close to 2 years by then and didn't seem interested (once I disappeared his car).

Well, seeing that empty parking space where I had just left him... I imagined several disasters in the few seconds before my eyes landed on the next row over, where he had managed to actually move the car into a new space without crashing into any other parked cars, hitting any pedestrians, or driving away without me. Needless to say, that was the last time I ever did that! Never, ever, ever left the car on or keys in his reach since then. He calmly climbed back over the middle section into his own seat when he saw me, and when asked why he moved the car he said something about the people behind him wanted to get through. (No such thing, as I had deliberately backed the car into a space with the fence behind us). Anyway...no more.

I think I've had pharmacy and grocery delivery since then, even though the cost is steep. Plus I disappeared his car and he can't drive my pushbutton car, so the situation changed in time, as we know dementia does.

Then there was the 1.5 hour standoff at the post office, that time when I eventually had to get a fire-fighter's assist to get him out of the driver's seat of my car that he'd have absconded with if he only could have figured out how to start it. Again, progression brought us relief of a sort, as he flat refused to leave the house at all not long after that. Holding on to the door jamb or whatever he could grab to prevent my moving him out of house for any purpose at all.

Fast forward another year or 2...and dreaded progression brings yet another silver lining -- we are no longer housebound! And thankfully with PT after a major downturn and regular basic physical activity indoors, he is still upright and mobile (with me or HHA at his elbow as he's still sometimes a fall risk). But here is the answer to your question: DH is now just as agreeable as he can be when I start putting on his shoes and steering him out the door. Down the steps and into the BACK SEAT of my car, yes!!! It works perfectly! And we have taken both short and long (15+ hours) road trips (with breaks of course) since then with no issues.

He heads to the back seat now and lets me help him climb in. Finally! Whew! I think he feels like I'm his driver and that is just fine with me. I keep something simple and entertaining back there for him to fiddle with, which could be a miscellaneous tchotchke, small book or pamphlet as he likes the written word (but sadly can't really read any more - gut punch every time I think about that loss for this brilliant man). Child locks on, for both doors and windows, radio on with oldies and he is good to go.

Sorry this is so long -- the last thing I wanted to mention is there used to be lots of recos on this forum for a seatbelt lock that prevents them from unbuckling, though DH has never tried to get out of the backseat and over to the front. Not sure that he could now, but Alz has surprised me before, so I wish those old threads had not been deleted in the website change. Maybe someone here has the info about the seatbelt locks.

I would also suggest a seat belt *id* for your PWD in the event of an accident or other emergency while driving. There are lots of different options through Amazon, Etsy and the like which can be found by searching *seatbelt ID for persons with disabilities* It might also be good to have one for the caregivers seat belt as well.

Our younger child has autism & intellectual disability & I researched these because I might need one (I can’t give personal experience yet)—-

Buckle Boss seatbelt buckle lock

Amazon also sells them

you have to use a special “key” to remove it, that I think goes on a key ring

Amazon has other brands