How to cope with the diagnosis?

jscott · October 2023

Thank you again for the wisdom. My DW was diagnosed two weeks ago with AD. I suspected it was coming as she had a MOCA two and a half years ago that wasn't good but she didn't do any additional testing at that time. Her symptoms were fairly mild then and still mild today. A few weeks ago she went through a complete neuropsychological test at the suggestion of her doctor and to deal with DMV, the results were pretty clear according to the neuropsychologist. She isn't driving now which isn't a problem for her. She is still doing very well and we are able to do everything we desire. She doesn't feel that there is anything wrong and I'm fine with that at this point. But, I'm unable to think of anything else. I am not sleeping very well and my heart is breaking. I'm reading all I can and trying to learn as much as possible (about a third way through The 36 Hour Day). But, how does one deal with this devastating news? We have a wonderful family and faith. Our marriage of 48 years is beautiful. But, I'm struggling to deal with this. How did you cope and move forward?

charley0419 · October 2023

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/66911/how-to-cope-with-the-diagnosis

Going through same it’s a year diagnosed, no driving in complete denial. Short term memory loss. Had her in clinical study but took off after 2 months. Put on meds hit dude effect now won’t take anything going to neurologist in 2 weeks.

M1 · October 2023

It takes time jscott and will always remain a work in progress, i don't think there's a fixed endpoint until death intervenes, and probably not even then. I don't think there's any easy way to lose a spouse, but the slow pace, the uncertainty of timing, and the anticipatory grief with dementia make it particularly hard. We're in our tenth year and there are others for whom it's been even longer. There is a definite point at which death becomes a welcome prospect to end her suffering and spare her dignity. For me at least the wish for that trumps the grief of loss at this time.

Pike · October 2023

I am also going through this disease with my DH. He has been diagnosed for about 3 yrs. But lately he doesn't want to do anything and sometimes calls me names that are a little hurtful. He then will be sorry. I am just starting to struggle a bit and not sure who is there for care takers. Will he become violent or do some not become violent. I am a little afraid of the future. Like will I be able to handle this. He is so much bigger than me. Will I be strong enough.

Vitruvius · October 2023

To Pike:

My DW is now very far along and she never became violent. There are quite a number of others here whose spouses were never truly violent. Whether your DH will be depends in part by what exact type of dementia he has. Timely application of medications can also prevent or minimize any violent tendencies. You need a good medical professional on your team.

However my DW and probably the spouses of others, were still challenging to care for. You ask who is there for caregivers. For one, that is why we're all here to share information that can hopefully reduce the stress of caregiving. There are probably other resources local to you that may be able to help.

If you have any questions or just want to vent/rant, you will get more responses if you start a new thread.

It's definitely not going to be easy but you will handle it by taking day by day and by accepting the fact that your DH's behaviors are not deliberate but are the disease in action. I wish you strength to deal with the future.

Since this is your first post it seems, I would be remiss in not reminding you to make sure you have all your legal documents in order, particularly a DPOA prepared or updated after a discussion with a CELA.

Denise1847 · October 2023

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/187133#Comment_187133

Hi Pike, My DH started to show signs of aggression and frustration. He is much larger than I. I some to our doctor about my concerns and he put him on a low dose of Sertaline (Zoloft), which has greatly helped. When you see those signs, be pre-emptive. You must protect yourself. This med takes time to work, maybe 2 or more weeks so don't delay.

Jolie · October 2023

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/66911/how-to-cope-with-the-diagnosis

I don't have any answers, but I just wanted to say I feel your pain. I am obsessed with this. I am 48 years old, and I think about dementia all the time. We just celebrated our 24th anniversary. It is not supposed to be like this. Our kids are just now leaving home, and it is now supposed to be our time again, but it's not. My DH doesn't realize anything is going on most of the time, and he is so happy to just spend time with me, but I am a miserable soul right now, and have been for the past year.

How to cope with the diagnosis?

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