My Memories

I am having the same problem with memories of my dad. He was diagnosed with “early” Alzheimer’s around 2013, and he refused to take any medication. Whenever we would notice things, my mother covered and/or hid a lot of the issues he was dealing with.

When she passed away in October of 2020, the grief overtook him. On Christmas Day of that year, he had a significant stroke, and I took early retirement, moved in his house (they lived in front of us), and took care of him 24/7.

After about six months of physical, speech, and occupational therapy (at home), he was able to function somewhat on his own with his daily activities and personal care. He was adamant that he could “take care of himself” and demanded to stay by himself. I would come in the mornings to fix his breakfast, stay during the day to try to keep him active, and leave after dinner and getting him to bed to sleep at my home. We had motion detectors and cameras to allow for some oversight, but things progressed so rapidly. He lost any sense of time and would get up throughout the night trying to get in the shower, and my husband (who helped with his personal needs) and I would have to go up to take care of him. He fell several times, and on at least two occasions we had to call EMS to help get him up. We found out later that he had had several smaller strokes that impacted the Alzheimer’s even further.

After one of the falls, he ended up in the hospital and then three months of rehab in a facility. While there, he developed an abscess on his back that never healed. We went to the hospital for IV therapy and wound debridement; however, that never happened due to the resistance of the four kinds of bacteria. To add to the chaos, they failed to give him his anti-psychotic meds for the five days he was there. He went completely “off the rails”, and they ended up sending him home on Friday to Hospice at Home only to have to send him to Hospice House on Sunday for management of the agonizing pain. He passed away the following Saturday morning on March 4, 2023. The death certificate cited Alzheimer’s as the primary cause of death—something that still washes over me, sometimes unexpectedly.

During the 2 1/2 years after my mother passed away, I watched as the Daddy I knew became someone who was so mean, hateful, and cruel. The things he said and did were so out of character that he was unrecognizable. There were many days that he didn’t know who I was—I was just “the lady that took care of him and fed him”. It was so hard to keep taking care of him despite his constant orders to “leave him alone”. I still feel so guilty for those thoughts, but only someone who has lived through that can understand that conflict in your very soul—loving that person you have known him to be but dreading having to face the daily trials of taking care of someone else who has taken their place. I am just beginning to be able to remember the days before my mother’s passing and have those memories overshadow the more recent ones. I know the upcoming holidays are going to be hard, but I know we will get through them. We just have to keep putting one foot in front of the other and hold the sweet memories close. Take care and I will be thinking of you and praying that you have a blessed holiday season.

I know exactly how you feel. Your words seem to speak to what I am feeling as well. It is such a heartache, and I sure hope that heals with time. Right now, I am only 2 months into my DH's passing and my heart and mind are reeling with so many thoughts and emotions. I'm trying so hard right now to find treasures of him before Alz that it is wearing me out. I've just got to stop for now. The photos, cards, videos, etc. will still be there in a few months for me to go through. But you grasp for anything once they pass trying to find the time when they still knew you or gave you a greeting card or told you they loved you.

Hi everyone and Maureen,

I feel PTSD too. I am wondering, has anyone had a really hard time while at the hospital with your LO?

I feel I have PTSD by the way we were treated.

We encountered nurse negligence, it was awful. I keep re-playing the incident (that sped up her passing) over and over in my mind.

Has anyone else experienced hard times while at the hospital?

All my love and support.

Ariel