Is my Husband Forgetting Me?

justbreathe2 · November 2023

Today my DH asked me about our first date. Then he asked where did we meet?” He should remember both. When I told him he said “oh that’s right”. We have talked about it often. I know he loves me and things have been very good between us. What was the first sign you knew your LO was forgetting you?

gampiano · November 2023

Hi ,

My husband, one day in about stage 5, asked me if I was his mother. I naively thought he was joking. But for that moment, he didn't know who i was.

I can tell you that even though he wasn't always sure that i was his wife, he did love the "new me" for quite some time. That is because even though memory diminishes, the feelings are still there. He knew how he felt, he just didn't remember who i was all the time.

By the way, I didn't come to this realization by myself. It was the hospice chaplain who told me, and I'm passing it along.

Love manifests itself in many ways.

Maureen

ImMaggieMae · November 2023

Some days my husband in stage 6 remembers my name. Other times if I ask him what my name is, he sometimes says, “You’re you.” He often remembers that I’m his wife if someone asks him. But he always needs to know where I am and wants me close to him. That’s good enough for me. It’s the same as going to the neurologist and having them ask him his address or who the President is, and he can’t remember. It doesn’t really matter to me. It is what it is. He’s still here. I hate what is happening to him and I definitely lose patience sometimes when I want my husband back, the way he was, and there is nothing I can do to make that happen other than to try to cope for the both of us. He doesn’t like the way he feels either. He is lost and confused. I try to push the feelings of terror aside until he is asleep at night and I’m alone with my thoughts. He still holds my hand while we sit on the sofa at night and watch TV. He still needs me and I pray he will for a lot longer. I certainly need him.

M1 · November 2023

Justbreathe, these incidents are some of the most painful of dementia. They are not unique to spouses though, there are members here whose parents no longer recognize their own children. I think all of us experience them sooner or later, and it's shocking when it happens-as you said, it seems obvious to you that he "should" remember your first date, but he doesn't. My partner has only intermittently known my name for several years now, doesn't remember any of our history, doesn't remember our home, her own career, and most of our other family members. Two years ago she told people on the phone that I had left her when i was sitting right there. It's a very sad phenomenon, and I'm sorry it's started happening to you.

My partner's only joy in life now appears to be my visits to her in MC. She tells me she loves me when she sees me. But nothing can stop this terrible disease, and I am to the point that I wish an end to it for her. She does not want to live like this and tells me that as well with some frequency. I already miss her, but the prolonged misery is an exquisite torture.

justbreathe2 · November 2023

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/189016#Comment_189016

Thank you gampiano. It is often he will ask me something about a person, place and I know he doesn’t remember, but will cover himself by saying as if he does. I react as if he does. I feel this may be the beginning of him forgetting me, but know he loves and trusts me.

justbreathe2 · November 2023

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/189021#Comment_189021

Thank you ImMaggieMae. My husband was diagnosed with Mild Cognitive Impairment and I feel he is much farther along. He doesn’t remember any of our memories, travels, some family, neighbors, friends, order of his jobs, etc. Very difficult for me, but I know everything of our past is gone. He depends on me and trusts me completely and I am so grateful. He tells me often how sorry he is to put me in this position. I do get frustrated with him and try to remember he cannot help it. It frightens me to lose such a strong, intelligent man who I leaned on many times. I try my best to be strong for both us. He is on my mind every minute of the day.

justbreathe2 · November 2023

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/189025#Comment_189025

M1 I have followed your story with your partner and the grief you are experiencing now. I remember in one of your comments, you said that after she was diagnosed you had 2 great years together. Before we knew what was going on with my DH memory, and for a short period of time, he had some anger and thankfully that period disappeared. For the last 10 months he has been so loving and kind, and thoughtful and will do anything I ask of him. He has always been a high energy man, and sometimes hard to keep up with even though I am 5 years younger. He still communicates well, with math, and some fix it skills left, but he tires often now, and sits, and his body is wearing out. He no longer likes to read, cannot follow t.v. programs. Any instructions to be read he now hands to me to figure out. I know everyone is different and I am aware things will change as time goes on. I fear for it. Like you, I hate what this disease does to our once strong LO. I do not want to see my DH suffer either. I am sorry for the misery and sadness you are experiencing.

Is my Husband Forgetting Me?

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