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missylane72
missylane72 Member Posts: 8
First Comment
Member
in I Am a Caregiver (General Topics)
I’m thinking I’m a bad daughter bc I am not a patient person and when my mom ask me the same question 16 to 18 times I start to get a little mad. I know it’s hard in her and she doesn’t understand but working full time and taking of her . Let me fill you in. I took care of my step dad and my mom . My first husband died 20 yrs ago and I started to take care of my step dad and mom when he died about 7 yrs ago I have been helping my mom. The last 4 yrs she’s been living with me. Im tired and stay stressed all the time

Comments

  • Marp
    Marp Member Posts: 170
    Legacy Membership 100 Comments 5 Likes 5 Care Reactions
    Member

    You need some breaks, I think.


    Any possibility of bringing in aides for a few hours a week to help or sending mom to a day care?

  • missylane72
    missylane72 Member Posts: 8
    First Comment
    Member

    Well the truth is my daughter and her family are staying in my moms house and until I get it out of her name it limits on help for my mom. I’m so undecided on what I should do.

  • JDancer
    JDancer Member Posts: 462
    Fourth Anniversary 100 Care Reactions 100 Likes 100 Comments
    Member

    You sound like a very patient person, and a great daughter, to have provided so much care for so many years.

    I share your frustration with repetition, it drives me crazy. I try to reply with a pleasant tone, but I don't always succeed.

    If you're applying for Medicaid, please be aware of the look back rules in your state.

  • missylane72
    missylane72 Member Posts: 8
    First Comment
    Member

    Me either. I feel so bad bc I’m get mad and snap sometimes, I know it’s hard in her but I work full time and then coming home from working in an OBGYN with all the problems of other ppl and dealing with my mom puts a strain on my BP

  • SDianeL
    SDianeL Member Posts: 967
    500 Care Reactions 250 Likes 500 Comments 100 Insightfuls Reactions
    Member

    we caregivers aren't perfect. We get frustrated. What helped me was someone posted on here that you can't reason with someone whose "reasoner" is broken. I keep saying that to myself when I get frustrated with my DH. Also try to take a break if you can. Is there someone who can stay with her and give you some time to yourself.

  • Phoenix1966
    Phoenix1966 Member Posts: 203
    Third Anniversary 100 Comments 25 Insightfuls Reactions 25 Likes
    Member

    Piggybacking on what @JDancer said, please consult with a CELA regarding your mom’s assets, POA, etc. if you haven’t already. If your mom is going to need Medicaid, as @JDancer mentioned, there is a look back period, often 5 years, to make sure assets aren’t transferred.

    A CELA can help set up trusts or other options to help shield some assets and are worth every penny of their fees.

    Despite your very busy schedule, carve out some time for yourself. That is as much of a priority as everything else in your life.

  • harshedbuzz
    harshedbuzz Member Posts: 4,476
    Seventh Anniversary 1,000 Likes 2500 Comments 500 Insightfuls Reactions
    Member

    Please talk to a CELA. The steps you take now could delay her qualifying for Medicaid should that be needed at some point. Also, if you're her POA and your DD is paying less than fair market rent on mom's home, it may be a problem. A POA has a fiduciary duty to make prudent financial decisions on behalf of the person for whom they are managing affairs.

    HB

  • missylane72
    missylane72 Member Posts: 8
    First Comment
    Member
    https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/189671#Comment_189671

    Thank you so much. I really appreciate you talking to me. It helps to know I’m not alone

  • missylane72
    missylane72 Member Posts: 8
    First Comment
    Member
    https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/189675#Comment_189675

    So true. She does not have Medicaid yet. I’m going to have to talk to my daughter bc I need the house out of her name. Thank you so much for the help

  • SusanB-dil
    SusanB-dil Member Posts: 1,149
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary 100 Likes 25 Insightfuls Reactions
    Member

    Could you maybe check out an adult daycare 1 or more days a week?

Commonly Used Abbreviations


DH = Dear Husband
DW= Dear Wife, Darling Wife
LO = Loved One
ES = Early Stage
EO = Early Onset
FTD = Frontotemporal Dementia
VD = Vascular Dementia
MC = Memory Care
AL = Assisted Living
POA = Power of Attorney
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