Siblings in denial

I would suggest trying not to engage too much in these family discussions. You are certainly correct that he won't be able to use a phone or hearing aids, either one, but the proof will be in the pudding and you may be better off holding your tongue. Money wasted, but it may be the price of peace in the valley.

The bald fact of the matter is that the person with power of attorney gets the final say in caregiving decisions. It's good that he's in memory care, at least he's in a safe environment.

On the hearing aides… I found that, although my mom went through the process to get hearing aides herself, she didn’t need them. After moving mom to my state so I could care for her, I realized she could hear quite well. I deduced that it was her cognitive decline and poor comprehension that made it seem to be a hearing problem. Any answer was better than a dementia diagnosis. Also, mom eventually had no ability to understand or use hearing aides. May be something to think about for you and your siblings. On the phone…I don’t know what stage your dads dementia is, nevertheless, introducing a new technological device will likely be a fail. Many dementia patients get to a point that they don’t understand a phone they’ve used for years, much less something new to learn.

So sorry for what you’re all having to deal with.

Hello. You say ... "It's just hard. They don't seem to recognize their own grief, or have much self awareness."

I get that. I have that from own sibling and I only have one. Since mom and dad have been on their 'journey' for six years she has not changed at all.

I think trying to get anyone else on the same page as you can continue to be a side-project that may end up only exhausting your time, energy, and goodwill. Ideally we would have the support of siblings all marching to the same tune. If we don't though, I can only suggest to just focus on yourself and what is best for you to do at any given time.

It is ironic about the POA going to the one with no 'awareness'. Same here. My parents gave my sister all of that and they seem completely clueless that she is not up to the task. My parents have me on their HIPPA forms, but my sister has all else. I just figured there is not much I can change about it as it is my parent's choice and it will have to play out just as they planned, good or bad.

I think part of the difficulty is realizing what we can and cannot change. Overall, take care of yourself and make your own wellbeing your priority.

I’m in a different situation but the dynamics have some similarities. My stepdad is PWD and my mom is his caregiver and very emotionally limited in her ability to accept his decline and its impact on their life. There are 6 adult children across the US with varying degrees of understanding, acceptance, communication skills, & emotional maturity. It is excruciating. You’re not alone.