Pets and Dementia

Our kitty passed a couple of years ago at the ripe old age of 21. I had planned to adopt a new pet after our move in Fall of last year, but with how quickly my DH is progressing, I decided not to get one. Personally, I just don't think I can manage one more thing. And I have real concerns that my husband would struggle with it (things like getting agitated, tripping, or harming a pet by overfeeding it).

We've had dogs for most of our marriage and have two 9 yr. old girls right now. H continually fed them food from his plate resulting in gastro issues and weight gain. One of the last things he was able to do was walk them. However, it was 5 walks a day even in the intense heat of the afternoon which I had to cut off. Most of these walks happened when he was angry with me. One girl did not want to go for every walk which made him angry. I placed H in MC 9/1. The girls have lost weight and no gastro issues. I'm glad I have my girls but would not get a pet.

This has been discussed many times over the past few years. Generally, the consensus is that having pets with a PWD has more negatives than positives. The problems I + others experienced were: overfeeding, aggressive behavior from the pet or the PWD toward each other. Letting the animal out of the house with no supervision, PWD eating the animal’s food or throwing it away. Tripping + falling over the pet. etc etc etc. My mother got explosive diarrhea + vomiting due to eating right after handling the dog + not washing her hands. That was the final straw for me. I was able to rehome her little dog with relatives, fortunately. She did not miss the dog for long, even though she was very bonded to it for years.

My DH and I said good bye to our 18 year old kitty around the same time DH was diagnosed with Alz. A beautiful stray cat came into our lives not long after. When we couldn’t find his owners we adopted him. I think my DH is this cat’s favorite human. So far it hasn’t been a problem with the cat getting underfoot. This cat was an adult, not a kitten, when it came to us. I”m glad we have a pet my DH can enjoy.

Not only do we still have animals in the house; we adopted two new senior cats less than three months after my DH's diagnosis. Here's the back story. Three weeks after my husband was Dxd with mixed dementia (AD and vascular) in mid-2021, our one remaining 14-year-old cat stopped eating. We had treated him for IBD for years; this was clearly a turn for the worse. He died less than a month later. I was already overwhelmed with grief for my husband, for our marriage, for every aspect of the life I thought we were going to have together in retirement. But I have lived with cats for more than 40 years, and living without them was just not something I was willing to do. So we went to our city's shelter (not a no-kill place) and brought home two new seniors. We had done this once before, from the same place. These two cats are the best thing in our lives. Introducing them was tricky and took time, just as it did the first time around, and they don't love each other like my last two did. But two years in, they tolerate each other enough to sleep in the same bed. Most importantly, the more difficult one of the pair adores my husband. He took one look at him and glommed on to him fiercely, and the love is mutual. It's true my husband can't really help with their care, except to refill water bowls. He doesn't feed them, and he doesn't change litter. But I don't mind doing it because I feel I am repaid in a million different ways. My husband is gentle with them both -- he was a longtime animal lover, and he still is. As I write this, my scrappy orange one is curled up at his side. He sleeps in his arms every night. He is the one person in the world who thinks my DH is perfect exactly as he is, as Bridget Jones would say. And that is worth everything to me.

I would hold off, but you may not have to for too long. The phase where the PWD is still mobile and able to find trouble is really hard with pets. My mother was constantly feeding the cat weird stuff and generally undermining care of the cat. And she couldn't read the body language and stop doing something the cat didn't like such as petting it the wrong direction. A year later her abilities had changed and even if she had she not moved to MC she still would not have been able to get to the kitchen herself and open a jar of salsa to put in the cat's dish. I am also an animal lover and agree that if it would bring joy to the caregiver it should be a priority, but you also don't want to create more headaches for yourself. I would aim to get a pet in the middle to end of stage 6 if it were me and not before.

My husband was diagnosed with Alzheimer's 5 years ago, now at stage 6.5, and is currently in Home Hospice care. I know for a FACT that if I did not have our dog here with me I would have perished. I have a 7lb Maltese who is the sweetest, most perceptive creature I have ever known. He reads my emotional state like a book and takes care of ME. He sleeps with me at night, spooning me in the most gentle, caring way. He watches my face during the day to gauge my emotional state and at this point is "Velcro" dog, which I love. There is a good, sound reason that therapy dogs are taken into dementia care facilities to visit patients. They serve a real benefit, bringing a connection to those in an altered mental state that cannot be explained. Your wife's attitude to the subject of a pet would most likely change once she had one in her lap. I can only urge you to seek comfort for yourself with a pet. You have to consider YOUR needs as well.

I think having a pet is probably a case by case thing. Our springer spaniel, Lilly, is essential for DW's mental health and mine. Although DW describes her as "my dog", she can't keep track of Lilly's needs, except she does walk her. In fact, that's one of the few activities DW can do regularly, so Lilly provides a focus. Meanwhile I do the feeding (DW doesn't know how much to feed Lilly, what kind of food she eats, where we keep it), keep track of Lilly's meds, walk her occasionally.

Lilly is a cuddly velcro dog. She always wants to be near us. She curls up on the sofa with us and sleeps in our bed. I find it soothing to pet her. Lilly is smart, so she probably knows something is a little off, but it's hard for me to know for sure.