Phone calls. Lots and lots of phone calls.

Hi. Not necessarily what you want to hear, but perhaps it's time to take away the phone? There's probably nothing short of that that is going to solve the problem. Could be the phone is causing anxiety at this point.

You do not have answer every call. The AL will call you if you are needed. So let some of the calls that ‘ring through’ go to messages. You can choose to listen to the message immediately or not. Will this always work? No, sometimes he will just keep calling. When you do talk to him, tell him you will call him tomorrow.

I suggest that you stop telling him when you are going to be out of town and that you definitely don’t write it on his calendar. As you commented, seeing it on his calendar triggers anxiety in him. I don’t always tell my parents my location- I do tell the AL staff so that they know whether I am local or not. When I call my parents, they don’t realize I’m on vacation as long as I find a quiet area to call them from.

mention his repeated calls to the staff, along with any pattern to them( day, time, after or before an activity). See if they will work on redirecting him into doing something else at about that time of day.

Is his phone set to call you by pressing one button? If it is, disable it. If he questions why it s not working, tell him it must be broken + you’ll take care of it. Repeat, repeat, repeat + ultimately, the phone ‘can’t be fixed’. Also, how often is he calling his girlfriend? She might need some relief also. One or two calls FROM you a day, at your convenience, is more than enough to keep track of him. If there is an emergency, you’ll be called.

Medication may relieve his anxiety.

Phone-bombing seems to be a pretty common symptom for PWD. I was surprised how many people were getting multiple calls daily from my MIL. They only told me after her dementia became more obvious. (I was the lucky recipient of only one or two calls a day - around 3 am!)

I agree with others that it’s time to disappear the phone. Fiblets should help. Good luck with this.

I agree with the others who said that it might be time to make the phone disappear. Phones can be stressful things. My sister's personal best was a record 31 calls in one day. 31. Go Peggy! I was on to her though and turned on "do not disturb" on my phone.

Still, the phone was causing her such stress, I told her that it was broken and had to be taken to the Apple store for repairs. She never saw that phone again.

I know what you mean about a phone being necessary to have contact with others. I had this realization too, so I cleaned up Peggy's phone, got rid of all email, texting, and social media so that all was left was the actual phone. I put a different case over it, and I gave it to memory care staff to hold. When a friend wants to talk to her, they call the memory care front desk, and then memory care staff calls the friend back using Peggy's phone. It's kind of complicated, but it's worked out well for almost a year now.

I'm getting ready to take away the phone for good now because she is completely baffled by the phone, even if someone is helping her with it.

But maybe you can do something like what I did? It might work for awhile.

I agree with the points made by others, but I also want to consider a different point of view:

1) while getting many calls may be disruptive (especially at work, or when you are busy), but ...

2) one may long for the days when it is possible to talk on the phone with a PWD and have any conversation. A day may come when he is unable to use a telephone without help or even carry out a meaningful conversation.

3) There may be anxiety, but since he's your dad, maybe he's trying to "help" or "take care" of you, even while confused. (i.e. the example of when you need to be picked up at the airport)

Regarding getting lots of calls and avoiding them, such as your phone ringing when "do not disturb" focus setting is on, if called twice within a few minutes, if you have an iPhone, one can create a custom "Focus" (i.e. setting separate from the built-in ones, that you can set as "No early calls from Dad") that you may try, but still allow emergency contacts through (i.e. doctor, AL contact, etc.) You can try that for early mornings, for example. Similar settings exist for an Android phone. You need to be careful to avoid having other people screened out, and to not forget turning that setting off.

Hi,

It sounds like seeing notes on the calender makes him think he's responsible for something and that makes him anxious.

Because he can't recall what the event means for him, and he can't recall any of your phone conversations, he's going to call you each and every time the annotation catches his eye.

Since the PWD can lose awareness of time passage, they can become anxious if they think they have an upcoming event. Make sure to put specific times for his activities (walk at 3:30). Don't put open-ended annotations ('Joe returns'). If this still causes him anxiety, then don't place annotations on the calendar. Sometimes caregivers may not even let their person know about upcoming things because they get too focused about preparing for them over and over.