Getting closer and closer to placement every day.

I second the Mirtazipine recommendation. It helps my husband sleep through the night.

You are well past time thinking about memory care and please stop smoking! It doesn't help. Help your DW find a nice facility and take care of you. Well deserved. Hugs

Memantine and Zoloft do not seem to be helping. Why are you on seroquel and not your DW? Appropriate medication can allow the PWD to remain in community for a longer period of time.

Also, if this is a sudden change in behavior, consider checking for a silent UTI.

Iris

@ghphotog i too am hovering daily around the decision about placement. When you think it can’t get worse it gets worse. I am so very sorry we are here. I’m still doing this because every moment isn’t awful. Like how you expressed the relief of “we’re in bed early tonight!”. Just a bit of help like that one night encourages us to not give up quite yet.

But the anxiety of constantly being on alert, watching out for the next accident, pee, poop, eloping, breaking things, anger targeted at us…means we are always depleted. And even when there is no incident, we are stressed waiting for it. Cause it will be coming.

Please, you are important, your health is important. I don’t want to be irritating or motherly. I only want to express that I care. your body and mind are being pushed to the limit even without the extra work required to protect your body from smoking. I feel ok making a comment as you voiced your concern too. I won’t be a hen about it, please know I’m on your side and only want the best for you.

Thank you for sharing. I just committed to myself to find a placement option for DH IF i should need it, in part because of you. I understand my own situation sometimes better when i recognize it in others.

I’m glad you’ve got some quiet time this morning 😊

Not too much more to add, except another person with experience with Mirtazepine. My DH slept for 8 hours the first night we had it. Watching to see if this continues to help, as he just started last week.

Ghohotog

I saw your post. My husband was very difficult at home and finally at the urging of my social worker I had him admitted to hospital and told them I couldn’t take him back. I was also informed that the way he was acting meant no long term care would take him and that he had to be stabilized before he could go to a long term care facility.

The fact you are on meds for anxiety and other problems would indicate that a hospital admission is due. I saw a huge improvement in my husband at the hospital, he was clean and well cared for and I am sorry I didn’t do it earlier.

The hospital had set up a ward like a mini long term care home and my husband improved. Sadly he passed five days after he went into long term care. Both did a fantastic job with him. Honestly, I think you will benefit as well. You can visit your wife and have a much better relationship than you have now. Take it from someone who has been there. I wish you peace.

Ghphotog — my heart aches for you, facing this difficult decision. My DW would, at rate but heart-rending moments, say, “Please don’t throw me away.”

I did manage to keep her home all the way to the end of her journey. But not without a lot of help (in the form of aides), as she needed help with all ADLs for years. And my DW did not suffer from agitation and anger.

Only you, of course, can make this decision. But you have to survive your DW’s illness in order to keep helping her. Your health issues suggest you may be reaching a point of no return.

Another suggestion might be to place her now but as she gets closer to the end you could possibly bring her home. An acquaintance did this and set up a bed in their living room and had help from hospice and caregivers. Her husband was bedridden by that point but was able to spend several months at home and was easier to care for once he did not get out of bed.

Do it girl that's your prerogative. My MIL is doing better on meds as time draws near. I'm truly thankful for the honesty here in this forum

I completely feel where you are. I am actually frightened of anger and aggression that might happen when we try and place DH. I tried getting him to go to a day care program, then two different in-home caregivers and he rejected all three. Even though my kids are urging me to begin the search for placement, I'm still afraid of his angry reaction(s). He has thrown small objects at me in the past. Lately he told me he wanted to divorce me because I moved a chair from one room to another (and it was MY chair). It's hard to feel like the human in the house with you is no one you know and is possibly capable of terrible things.