my DW is bored

I began putting dog themed videos on for DH. Sometimes it's just random youtube videos, but there are also a wide variety of programs about dogs. We found a series where people talk while walking through the hills of Scotland with their dogs. I think it's where James Herriot wrote his books. Those were really interesting, but not filled with complicated content.

My MIL, who had been an emergency room nurse, did the NY Times crossword puzzle, read multiple newspapers per day and was a voracious reader, ended up loving to watch Hallmark movies as her memory faded. She would watch them 1 right after the other, sometimes all day long. Same plot with always the same ending. The lack of complications or anything but two people falling in love and a happy ending gave her such a sense of calm.

I can relate to what you're saying. My DH can't do much on his own but likes to putter around in the yard and pick up leaves, etc. It's hard to find things for him to do that don't involve me. He accompanies me on all errands. He likes to watch movies but I have to set them up on the TV. Lately he's been getting upset if I'm not watching with him, even if I'm in the same room watching something else (with earbuds) or on my computer. It's tiring because it feels like there's no time for myself.

My husband likes to do sticker art books. He will spend hours doing them. You can get them on Amazon. He also likes simple, 100 piece or less, puzzles. For the puzzles I have to put together the outside edge then he will do the rest. He also likes helping so I have him do the laundry & fold the clothes. He also washes the dishes and puts them away.

It’s also possible that your PWD lacks the executive function skill to do what I would call “independent play” in a child and cannot tolerate the uncertainty of unstructured time because they no longer have the capacity to fill it. My child with autism and intellectual disability is similar. She has to have a schedule made by me or together, and needs frequent reassurance of what activities are next, etc. I think a reduced attention span and difficulty planning independent activities because of diminished skills to choose activities and accomplish them can be mistaken for boredom.

Funny, I went on this site precisely because my DH was complaining about having nothing to do, then I see this post. He IS in a social program twice per week, I often to take him to the YMCA (says he doesn’t like it anymore, would rather work out in ‘Jim’s Gym,’ AKA, the basement.) I plan things all the time, just today we are heading out of town for a dinner hosted by friends, and overnight with other friends, but I can’t entertain him all the time. The suggestions here are good, and I am appreciative, will try some but mostly he is just unsettled, I feel. Thanks for sharing.

I'm sort of in your situation. My husband doesn't need help (beyond me) yet, but I wanted to make him comfortable with other people in the house. Not happening.

The advice given to me was: Always say it is for you (not them)."I need some help with bills, cleaning and other stuff and these folks are coming in to help me out." My husband was quite okay with that.

I have gone through the same search, and have discovered that I can get a just a little free time by turning on videos of tennis matches, people skiing, and people going to parks and hiking. He also will stay with a video of concertos with symphonies for a little while. Other than that, he needs someone else to do things with him, or he wanders or starts rearranging things. He was always handy & helpful around the house, so, with some supervision, he can fold laundry, make beds, sort silverware, sweep porchs & sidewalks and push the vacuum. He is restless, so we go for an hour walk almost daily, A couple days a week, he walks with a helper. He sometimes enjoys watching old musicals on utube. He likes scrolling through a computer collection of family pictures, but forgets which button to push. He likes to change his clothes multiple times, and sort through a box of old maps. I talk to him a bit about what he or we are doing, but I'm not sure how much of what I say he understands. He does understand smiles and hugs, though, that is for sure. Good luck.

Gosh I can so relate to all said in this discussion. I have used many of the suggestions and I look forward to trying others. My husband is on my heels all day long. Most common question is “what are we going to do next?” I get 0 time to myself.

Thanks for the many suggestions.

I need to get to a place where he will accept inside help and/or attend a program without seeing it as babysitting or a sign of weakness or craziness.

My mother was similar. Previously highly intelligent, social, skilled, busy. Once Alz started to take those away she was bored, and boredom led to mischief. Taking furniture apart apart, cutting up things she shouldn't, taking stuff out of the freezer to melt, hiding things, foraging, hoarding you name it. The only thing that helped was a day program. She too hated it at first. It was hell to get her to go the first 8 weeks. I used therapeutic fibs and said she was volunteering there and just kept at it and muddled through the difficulty of knowing she was unhappy there. Finally she settled in and it was the best thing that could have happened to us. She bonded with the staff and they found work she could do to feel useful clearing tables, helping others with their crafts and she thought she worked there after a while. I know a day program isn't for everyone but I do encourage anyone considering one to give it a long time before giving up on it. As she progressed she really liked sorting things like buttons. She loved her Joy for All cat and all the various fidget products that exist now (ask a kid if you aren't familiar.) The boredom and apathy is common with dementia but difficult to solve at home. A hired aide may help, you could say she's a volunteer or student who needs hours for school or something. Seems like finding others to not only give you respite will be in order but they will be a change in scenery and conversation for her.

As difficult as it may be, I would go online for all bill pay and eliminate any paper statements. Important papers must be locked away for safety. Could you perhaps lock YOUR desk and keep things safe?