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Shoplifting

TamiF
TamiF Member Posts: 7
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in I Am a Caregiver (General Topics)

Today I caught my mom shoplifting- she is 84 with mixed type dementia- any suggestions on how to deal with this?

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  • M1
    M1 Member Posts: 6,788
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    Hi Tami. Ouch, I bet that was uncomfortable. Probably all you can do make sure she is supervised; no going out or shopping alone.

    My partner hasn't shoplifted from a store because she is in MC, but a lot of the residents there move things around and don't recognize any sort of personal boundaries, they'll just pick stuff up and move it around from room to room. Your mom's behavior may be similar; she may not even realize the concept of shopping/paying for things any more. My partner has lost/misplaced a hairdryer, a pair of shoes, and a fleece jacket over the last few months. Even though they are labelled, they are probably in someone else's room at this point. And i constantly find silverware and various other items in my partner's possession.

  • BookBuffBex
    BookBuffBex Member Posts: 40
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    Hope it wasn't too big a problem in the store. Are you taking her shopping so that she won't be alone at home? Or is it an activity she usually enjoys? It might be time to find someone to stay with her so that you can go shopping without her; or find other activities she might enjoy. If she enjoys going to the store, maybe take her someplace where the items are not easily placed in a pocket or purse (furniture or home goods store)? Just brainstorming, but other options would be no purse and sew her pockets closed so she has no place to put anything and you will see if she is carrying something. Good luck!

  • Quilting brings calm
    Quilting brings calm Member Posts: 2,480
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    This coujd be a real problem if a store owner, security or police do not realize her cognitive issues when they first come into contact with her. I suggest no more shopping trips for her. I realize that could be difficult if you cannot leave her long enough to do the shopping.

  • TamiF
    TamiF Member Posts: 7
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    https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/192285#Comment_192285

    She is addicted to shopping - it has been hard for her now that she does not drive and I still work full time. I try to take her to her favorite stores on the weekend and rarely (now never) will she be left alone while in the store, and will check her purse before leaving the store. I wish I could figure out how to get her to stop carrying one.

  • TamiF
    TamiF Member Posts: 7
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    https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/192300#Comment_192300

    She can be left alone at home, she is there when I work, she is in that crazy stage that she needs some supervision but not constant-

  • BassetHoundAnn
    BassetHoundAnn Member Posts: 478
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    edited December 2023

    This message reminds me of a conversation I had with my mom shortly before I realized she was suffering from dementia. She phoned me in a panic and said she had been shopping at her favorite department store. When she got home she realized she was wearing jewelry from the store. It was costume jewelry she had been trying on. She hadn't realized she'd left the store wearing it. She asked if she should return to the store, return the jewelry and explain what happened. It sounded like it was only $10-$15 worth of jewelry, so I advised her not to. I worried about her sense of shame and how difficult it would be for her to return to the store and try to explain what happened. I worried that some clue-less sales clerk might accuse her of shoplifting. But I also wondered whether the jewelry was actually her own jewelry and she hadn't recognized it. That too was possible. In the following months she was no longer recognizing items in her home as her own possessions. It was a quandary. My mom loved to shop but she was entering that difficult stage when she should no longer be shopping on her own. Fortunately she had several nearby friends who after that took her shopping regularly and supervised her.

    Wisely, they would not allow her to carry a purse. They justified this by telling her that they were afraid they would become mugging targets if purses were carried. My mom was wedded to her purse and wasn't fond of this rule but she obliged.

  • harshedbuzz
    harshedbuzz Member Posts: 4,476
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    @TamiF

    I'm sorry that happened. I have seen previous posts where this behavior has resulted in some pretty ugly reaction from the establishment. There was one incident that comes to mind where a woman took her mom to her own regular salon for a cut and style. The stylist was very accommodating with mom, but as the caregiver was paying and making the next appointment mom got into some high-end products and opened them to sample ruining them. From there is got pretty ugly with the receptionist making a scene and threatening to call police in a crowded salon. The member did end up buying the damaged bottles at retail and she never went back.

    If you wish to continue this activity, you're going to have to have eyes on her at all times. I would skip the handbag and sew her pockets closed.

    HB

Commonly Used Abbreviations


DH = Dear Husband
DW= Dear Wife, Darling Wife
LO = Loved One
ES = Early Stage
EO = Early Onset
FTD = Frontotemporal Dementia
VD = Vascular Dementia
MC = Memory Care
AL = Assisted Living
POA = Power of Attorney
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