How long does separation anxiety last?

I know how you feel. My DW had to be close to me all day long. If she doesn't see me she will walk around checking doors and calling my name. For a while she did the same thing at daycare. They didn't call me but would tell her me when I picked her up that she was very anxious and looking me. She seems to do better now after almost a year.

She also is in stage 6 somewhere but I don't think this will end until she get into 7 and then I still don't know. She doesn't know we are married and I'm just a familiar face she sees every day and that seems to bring her comfort even though she really doesn't know me anymore or how we are related.

Then she can be crazy, scream at me. She will talk about me in the third person a lot.

Sorry for typos. I'm using my phone and my glasses aren't working very well anymore.

For us, DH shadowing and need to have me in sight has only increased. We’re in beginning of 7. I’m afraid this may continue as long as mobility does.

That sounds familiar. DW is in stage 4/5, I estimate. She's generally okay in the house by herself, but she does get anxious. I volunteer nearby for a couple of hours, three mornings a week. I tell DW where I'm going and that I'll be home by noon. I even put a note on the door. Sometimes when I get home, DW berates me, saying she didn't know where I was. Sometimes she calls my cellphone around 11:30 to say she misses me and she hopes I'll be home soon.

DW often asks me where I live. A minute ago she said she would show me where my closet is, so I could move in. She sometimes asks about the other people in the house (none) and whether they've left. She tells me a nice man whom she liked used to live here, but he left, and she doesn't know why, and she's glad I'm here now. (I think what that really means is that she's become a different person, and I've become a different person trying to care for her.) If I've been downstairs for awhile and she's been upstairs, she will sometimes ask, when she comes downstairs, "Where have you been? I haven't see you in awhile."

This morning, DW and I went grocery shopping. I used to do this alone, but I bring DW along now because of her anxiety. Sometimes it's like having an 8-year-old along, asking, "Can we get that? Can we get that?"

Driving home, DW remarked about how she went shopping recently by herself, that she was home alone and had cooked for herself. That's ridiculous on so many levels:

- She hasn't driven in a couple of years.

- She wouldn't know how to get to the supermarket.

- She doesn't really remember what foods she likes.

- She doesn't know what food we already have in the house.

- She needs to be reminded what she eats for breakfast and lunch (and I make dinners).

- Supermarket checkout confuses her.

Oh, and she wasn't home alone.

It's challenging to know how to respond. She asked where I had been when she was home alone, and I just had to keep repeating, "I don't remember."

Hello captmatt2,

You're in the right place.

Please don't hesitate to ask and share.

The folks here get it and care.

I’m jealous of most of you, my DH is so attached to me that I rarely even get an hour. He’s in stage 6. Caregivers have been a waste of money. At times he will stay with my mom or sister for an hour or so but even that is rare. Daycare- no, he tried to walk out so I had to go get him. All this makes it so painful to even think of placing him in MC, he would crumble.

My dh did not do well in a day care program, but has adjusted well to memory care, although he occasionally does ask about coming home. He's genuinely liked by most of the people there, and enjoys the company.