Elder Care Consult

wose · January 12

I have a 15 min consult scheduled for Monday with an CELA and then we will do an in person one. My question is, should I include my DH in on either one? I don’t know what stage he is, but he is capable of a lot of things. I wouldn’t solely trust him with any decisions but I feel I still need to include him on somethings. Thank You

A. Marie · January 12

Based on your earlier comments, my advice would be no. Trying to explain what you're doing and why at this point, to a PWD who is easily angered, may well be counterproductive.

wizmo · January 12

Will he understand why you are doing this? Can he still produce a signature? I would say don’t include him for initial consult, ask attorney for advice on including in future meetings. They can probably get everything from you to complete most documents and have him come in for brief signing like you do for closing on buying a house. You might have to tell him it is a routine refresher on your existing estate planning or sone other legal formality. CELA will have guidance on best way as they are used to dealing with situations like this. They most certainly will want to meet him to assess competence to sign for himself, and there is normally a lot of flexibility in allowing that to happen for people of varying abilities.

M1 · January 12

I would do the initial consult alone, be frank about his behaviors and treatment of you, and ask the CELA's advice/opinion. if properly experienced they will have dealt with similar situations before. Let us know how goes...

wose · January 13

Thanks again and again for your insight everyone. I’m so unsure of myself. All day yesterday and today he was pretty normal. Then an hour ago , he gets right in my face, close enough to be alarmed and tells me to stop my grandstanding. No rhyme or reason. He backed off after I told him I will call 911. I was so sure that it would be right to include him in our very important life decisions but you awesome people here showed me my reasoning is also skewed.💙

charley0419 · January 13

I had my wife there and I explained to them what terms no to use and make everything as “ if anything happens to one of us”. Once they tell you what you need to do it’s same for both. But get POA

M1 · January 13

Wose it's a lifetime habit you're breaking, of course your instinct is to include him, and it is very hard lesson to learn that that is no longer the case.

It still feels/sounds like you are in a very volatile situation and that you are very legitimately afraid of him. There are several good but old threads about safety. Keep your phone with you at all times, identify a safe room that you can lock. If there are guns around, lock them away where he doesn't have access. You may even want to have an emergency bag packed in the trunk of your car. And do not hesitate to make that 911 call if you need to. He sounds like he needs medication, and there may not be an alternative way of getting it for him. find out what hospitals near you have geriatric psychiatry wards. 'm so sorry, but your life may be at stake in more ways than one here.

Joe C. · January 13

I would suggest doing the initial consult alone. If there are any documents that need his signature he would likely have to go with you in the future but first find out what documents he would be required to sign.

harshedbuzz · January 13

Good Lord, NO.

Why upset him and make this harder on yourself?

Donr · January 14

The first appointment was just me and the CELA. I wanted to make sure that I chose the correct CELA and explained the problems that my wife was having. After I felt she could understand what was going on I took her to the next appointment. She had faith in my decisions which made her comfortable.

El1942 · January 14

What is a CELA?

Joe C. · January 14

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/194690#Comment_194690

Certified Elder Law Attorney, an attorney whose specializes in laws/regulations affecting seniors.

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