Take me Home

annahowie · January 14

I know many of you hear this on a regular basis - my DH is fixated on this over the past few days more than usual. Usually I can just say "we are home" he goes and looks outside recognizes the house and comes back in.

Not so much this morning. We are in MN and that was what it was all about this morning - having to "go home". It was freezing out this morning but I let him do his usual..walk outside look and I waited at the door for him to come right back. When he didn't I walked to our garage and opened the door as usually he is just standing there looking at the other houses looking for "home". Well he must have trotted because by the time I opened the garage door he was 3 houses down knocking on the door and trying to open the door. I ran and got him brought him back home. We are new in this neighborhood and I have not met all the neighbors yet including the ones at the house he went to. I did get her number from the one neighbor I know and we chatted for a bit and now she knows and will keep an eye out just in case.

My daughter suggested that maybe I write an introduction letter to the neighbors right here at the end of my cul-de-sac to introduce myself and let them know of his condition and to contact me if they see him out. What are your thoughts? This morning scared me because what if the neighbors thought he was breaking in or something? All I could think of was the worst....

Kat63 · January 14

My DH wants to go home (which is his childhood home) all the tIme also or go see his mom and dad (of course both have died quite some time ago). A drive use to take care of this, but lately it hasn’t. The first of last week he went to the neighbors houses looking for his dad. I don’t think he knocked on any doors but was walking in the yards between two of our neighbors’ houses. I had to talk to him as I would a child, in that just said he had to come back to our home. He did, but didn't talk to me for a while. The next day I called our doctor and he increased his Trazodone which has seemed to help. To me this is the hardest thing to handle, when he wants me to take him home or take him to see his parents. I try to do fiblets but he doesn’t always go along with that either. We are relatively new to our area, but all the neighbors in our cul-de-sac know my DH has Alzheimer’s but I still don’t want him knocking on their doors looking for his dad, but I feel they do keep more of an eye on him if they see him outside. I do think your daughter’s idea to let your neighbors know of your husband’s condition is a good one

annahowie · January 14

Thank you Kat! Sounds like we have very similar situations. That's what he tells me that his mom and dad are going to be so mad at him because he hasn't come home. He gets stuck in that time period where his parents were still alive. I tell him that they are not near and are in Wisconsin (where they are buried) and a lot of times that helps as well. Ive also put him in the car and taken him for a drive countless times....I have found that the same thing doesn't always work and it can be a never ending battle for me of what will work today...

Thank you for your thoughts and sharing ❤️

avieDa921) · January 14

Hi annahowie, yes let your neighbors know what’s going on. At least 5 of my neighbors know about my DH (ALZ 6 years) and they are all supportive. We have lived in our house for 50 years and when he was diagnosed in 2018, I didn’t tell any of our neighbors for a couple of years. It was when he took some solar lights off the neighbor’s fence behind us because he said they were ours. He put them away & when I had a chance I took them back to the neighbor’s house. They weren’t home, so I left them a note apologizing & explained his condition & asked them not to put back on their fence because he might take them back down. I then decided it was time for my neighbors to know & since they now know, they keep an eye out for me & I don’t have to worry about any of them calling the police. I love my neighbors, great people!

M1 · January 14

Second the motion to let your neighbors know. One of the scariest, most unexpected experiences of my life occurred when my daughter was a baby and as i was carrying her to bed one night, i walked by our front porch window to have a hand reach up from the outside dark, as if grabbing for me. Like something out of a horror movie. To make a long story short, our elderly neighbor had brought her brother with Alzheimer's to live with her. She had fallen asleep, and he had left the house and wandered to our front porch in only his boxers on a bitterly cold night, breaking his hand and foot in the process. We got him to the hospital, but he died shortly thereafter. It was terrifying and sad-but could have been much worse had we not known he was there. The alternative would have been that he died of exposure on our porch. No guns involved, but these days i could also envision significant risk of someone shooting an intruder.

annahowie · January 14

You know it's like trying to stay 2 steps ahead of what could happen is how I feel. Especially because you never know what's coming some days. I reconfigured the Ring door alarms so anytime when we are home the alarm will go off if he opens the front door. This way if I am in another room I will immediately know.

My plan is to write a letter and include his picture so they will recognize him as well. Thank you everyone for your thoughts. It is so appreciated it

avieDa921) · January 15

I took a picture of DA on my cellphone in case he would wonder off somewhere, which he has never done. We do have a door camera & I always know when my DA goes out the front door to check for mail & it might be 8 times a day even after he got the mail. I used to say to him “you got the mail,” but now I let him go, he needs the exercise! This past Xmas, our son bought me air tags, one for DH’s wallet & the other for our 5 year old dog’s collar. I haven’t had to use them yet & hope I don’t have to!!

annahowie · January 15

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/194779#Comment_194779

I had an AirTag in his wallet for a while and he found it and put it up. I had told him that it was so in case he ever misplaced his wallet we could find it. My therapist suggested putting it in the tongue of the shoes he wears all the time - he won't feel it there and it gives me peace of mind.

MN Chickadee · January 15

Hello from one Minnesotan to another! This is a common issue, wanting to go home. My mother did it a lot at the end of the day when she was sundowning. She did it at her home of 40 years where I grew up and she did it at later at the memory care facility. I think she was thinking of her childhood home, or perhaps even just a tine or feeling in her mind of a time when things felt ok. Lots of talk of her parents during that phase as well. I usually had to use therapeutic fibs. I'll take you home tomorrow when it isn't so cold, or when I am not so tired. We can stay here tonight. And most importantly validate his feelings and fear and reassure him you are there for him and everything is ok.

avieDa921) · January 15

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/194810#Comment_194810

Believe me my DH would find it in the tongue of his shoe, ha. He found it one time in his wallet & I said the same you did, & he was ok with that. Matter of fact, he doesn’t open his wallet that much & if he does, I say, “careful, the moths might fly out!”

annahowie · January 16

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/194811#Comment_194811

Girl! I do the same thing especially here the last few days with as cold as it's been. I'll tell him it's not safe to be outside it's too cold or I tell him it's late we will go tomorrow. He does a lot of reverting to when he was younger and still living with his parents and in his mind that is present time. Like you said a lot of reassuring and making sure he feels safe.

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