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BUSTER81 · January 22

My first time using the forum and MDW has Dementia which has been a real trying experience and doctors say it only gets worse. Have been reading what other care takers of their loved ones go through and wonder if anyone has had their loved one accuse you of stealing their money, moving their things around, think I do not want her in the house anymore and tells me I am not a good person for stealing from her which certainly hurts and I know doctors say do not take it personal but sure hard not to.

Lately she has been saying I have a problem with my brain and she tells me I am crazy for doing what she thinks I am doing

Is this normal to expect

charley0419 · January 22

Hi! I’m pretty new on this site but best thing I ever did. My DW is not at this point but its kind of normal so don’t take personal

Denise1847 · January 22

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/67889/new-to-forum

Unfortunately yes. My aunt accused the aides in her memory care of stealing all kinds of things. Try to change the subject and distract her. Ask the doctor if there is a med to calm the paranoia.

wose · January 22

Hello, I’m so sorry you need to be here. I can honestly say that the forum has been a life line for me. Like angels sent from above to help. I’ve only been here for a few months and can’t figure out where on the scale my DH is. He has accused me of stealing his key, his glasses and wallet, only to find them in his night stand. Denies putting them there. Today I found $80.00 under a book on his dresser. He’s asked me for a divorce on several occasions and yes he tells me I need to be on medicine. ( which could be true, for my sanity) It’s a horrible, mind bending, gut wrenching, heartbreaking illness. But, these people here are “your go to’s” and they will make your journey bearable. You are not alone. Welcome💙

Jeanne C. · January 23

Hi and welcome. I second Denise's recommendation to talk to her doctor about meds. They made a huge difference in temperament and cutting down the false beliefs/paranoia for my husband. Remember that it's a kindness to a person with dementia when you help ease their anxiety.

Jgirl57 · January 23

Welcome ! It is indeed very hard not to take it personal . The first couple of years of realizing something was wrong, getting diagnosis and crying from all the accusations was quite awful. Medication helped tremendously and my acceptance to let go of his words and to use the techniques of Teepa Snow and learning about the stages through Tam Cummings propelled me in the right direction of daily survival. I am sorry you too are going through this with your loved one.

michiganpat · January 23

Welcome Buster81. Everything you have mentioned is normal, unfortunately. This site has personally saved my sanity. Doctors cannot understand because they have not lived it. Family don't see the worst of it because PWD can showtime very well. And yes, many PWD believe you are the problem not them. Look up anosognosia. Best wishes and know you have come to the right spot. Pat

LaneyG · January 23

Welcome Buster. This site as been a Godsend to me. You will find you are not alone as we all experience the heartbrake and challenges this disease brings on. I too have been on the receiving and of all kinds of accusations. And gosh does it hurt. For quite a while distraction, and finding a project to do helped in a big way. However gradually the delusions and accusations increased in intensity and duration. Dont wait til it gets that bad before getting doc’s help.

harshedbuzz · January 23

Daily.

BUSTER81 · January 23

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/195584#Comment_195584

Wose:

Thank you for your feedback amd yes I believe thr forum will help me realize I am not alone with this situaton and amazing how similiar it is on what your husband does and my wife. She accuses me of taking things and then we always find them as she hides things and then cannot remember where they are so naturally I stole them

Thank you again -

BUSTER81 · January 23

Thank you to everyone for your comments as it does seem to lighten the load when you realize there are other people who are handling the same issues and traveling the same road as I find myself on.

Blessings to all of you -

jfkoc · January 23

We are now or have been on the same road. You are not alone!

bdlk · January 24

I think my DH is starting to show signs of some mild sundowning. My DH is refusing to shower at all, and especially not at night, and swears he’s brushed his teeth after dinner when he hasn’t—his toothbrush is desert dry. He get furious in a flash, curses at me, and calls me names when I try to get him to take his meds after dinner or do the exercises he’s supposed to do for his back after dinner. Is that sundowning, even if very mild?

As for delusions, he sees grey dirt on his hands and washes them many, many times every day. I put my hand beside his and try to get him to see they are the same color and level of cleanliness. That was working ok for about a month. Tonight, though, he told me that my eyes are crappy because I can’t see the dirt all over my own hands and his.

Are such delusions common? I’m so new to all of this. He’s only been diagnosed for about 6 months.

Ernie123 · January 24

As others have said, these behaviors are common and as you have noted very difficult for you as a caregiver. My DW, diagnosed twelve years ago, is now in LTC in final stages of the disease. But I still remember years ago before she moved to care the frustration and helplessness I felt dealing with angry aggressive behaviors like when she would angrily accuse me of stealing her hearing aids, which she had hidden and forgotten because she believed people were stealing them!

Following advice I gained from Alzheimer’s Society workshops I trained myself to not react quickly to provocations, and always keep thinking it is the disease controlling her thoughts and behaviors. Nothing I can say or do will change that. If you react and engage in an argument you will both lose every time, both getting stressed and upset to no avail.

If your DW’s emotional outbursts are seeming to escalate or become more paranoid or delusional ask your doctor for a referral to a Geriatric Psychiatrist. It may be necessary to help your wife with medication and Geriatric Psychiatrists have the specialized training to prescribe, monitor and adjust meds as your DW’s condition progresses. Not all dementia patients have paranoia and delusions but if they do it can be dangerous. In the months before she moved to care my DW would not recognize me and think I was an intruder . She would scream and hit me and try to force me out of our house, which she believed was her parents home. Once on medication she would still have occasional delusional or paranoid thought, but without extreme emotional upset.

I am sorry you are dealing with these issues. You will find genuine support in this forum as we are all on the same journey. Some are just starting out, others further along but everyone seems willing to share what has been learned and seek advice when needed.

catminor · January 25

Yes, unfortunately the paranoia seems common for PWD. My Mom near drove me nuts about her jewelry; at first she started hiding it various places in her apartment, and would call me to say she couldn't find it. It got worse from there, until the CCRC where she lived in SC called me to say there was a problem with my LO behaviors, as Mom had gone across the hall into another resident's apartment and yelled at the housekeeper accusing her of stealing the jewelry.

2 days later, I got an email from Mom saying "it's time to move me close to you."

The good news is that I learned from this; after I moved her here to a RCFE, I absolutely refused to give her any of her jewelry until it was documented as inventory, with all photos for the RCFE to put in her file. I also informed the new facility of the previous incident.

I'm sorry you're going through this.

You are definitely not alone.

Cat

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