How did your LO with early-mid dementia adjust to moving to MC?

My dad is early/mid stage 5 and he moved in September. He needs prompting for ADLs but can do them himself. He also has really good social skills and can "fake it" in a lot of situations, which has made the transition hard for family and friends who only see him while "showtiming."

He has adjusted really well. The move actually showed me how much my brother (who was his caregiver) was helping him and "scaffolding" him. My dad has no memory of the home he lived in for almost 40 years and just accepts that he lives at memory care now. He's made some friends, although the biggest challenge is that there aren't many residents at his level - most are more advanced. But the staff love him, and he participates in all of the activities. He loves the activities that I thought would be infantalizing to him, like balloon volleyball and singing along to "How much is that doggie in the window?"

To M1's point, my dad is definitely extroverted and was lonely at home, and is a pleasant and easygoing person. The day of the move was awful and really hard, but then he just forgot about it.

We have only left the MC campus for two doctor's appointments in two years. I would love to take her out but would have difficulty getting her back if she decided to act up. Some residents go on scenic drives in a company van, but my partner would find that claustrophobic and painful to her bad back. I do not think that going home is a good idea, period. YMMV depending on stage.

Last year I took my LO out to lunch sometimes, always with another person and I also worried about what if they wouldn't go back in. It went ok. But this year their condition has evolved and I may bring food in, instead.

I would not take them back to their house. It wouldn't really accomplish any positive purpose for them and is likely to be distressing and cause upheaval. I can understand why you are tempted.

As far as your dad is concerned, ask yourself If you do take him to see his house and he recognizes it, what outcome for him do you hope will come from it? Is it likely to lead to something positive or distress?

Thank you for your insights - this is very helpful. Thoughts of having my father visit the house were prompted by my thinking that maybe we acted too soon to place him in LTC, but his condition seems to have progressed dramatically in the last couple of months since being placed there. I think you are absolutely right about what outcome could come out of visiting the house? I think it would cause more distress.

I came here just now because I'm at the place where Mom has to go to a A/L or M care and it is just so painful to make the decision. I think she will hate me but she is not safe in her home. And will not accept someone coming in. I know logically it is the correct thing to do but, man, it's a super hard HEART thing! My support goes out to all of you. It IS helpful to read that for some of you the move turned out well for your LO.

And, I feel guilty because I do not want her to live with us. We tried that twice before when she was released from hospital and both times it ended badly after about a month. And, I want to live my life also.

Have a day filled with peace.

How long did it take? We are 3 weeks into AL and my LO just wants to go home.

The weeks before moving mom were harder for both of us than the actual adjustment to AL. I had talked a few times with her about wanting her to be closer to my home, so that we could spend more time together and I would be nearby for anything that came up. But I don't think she took me seriously until we started packing. Then she had a fit. Started calling everyone in her address book to let them know she was being taken against her will to another state. This resulted in more time and stress for me during the short window of time I had to get her packed, find all the necessary documents, close up the house, etc, because a number of long-distance friends and family called me requesting explanation of what was going on. She had showtimed so well on short visits or phone calls that most had no clue she had dementia!

So I was dreading the transition at AL. She was at my house for a few days, kept asking whose place we were visiting even though she'd been here many times in the 20+ years that I had lived in this house. When she got to AL, she took the activity schedule that she received each day and treated it like a work or school schedule. The activities were assignments that she had to complete, sometimes grumpily but the structure was great for her. She was able to keep her beloved cat, which went a long way toward the adjustment. She in fact adjusted WAY better than I had expected. She asked a couple times about her house, then appeared to have forgotten about it.

The recent transition from AL to MC came after a hospital and subsequent rehab stay. She is very confused, does not know what we are talking about if we mention AL. No longer recognizes residents she knew who have also moved to MC, or staff who knew her there. The environment and activities in MC are exactly what she needs at this point in her dementia progression. The cat was rehomed while she was in rehab, and she has not spoken of him or asked any questions. Both sad and a relief that he seems to be gone from her memory. She is passively accepting of the changes. The fact that she put up almost no fight is yet another reality check for me on how far gone her mind is. The woman she was before Alzheimers would never have allowed me to impose all of this on her!