Just stressing

nsglobe · February 6

My Mom was diagnosed in Aug 2023 with Alzheimer's. I am her primary caregiver; but I have other family that supports us. She is still living alone right now (close to me and close to my son). She gave up driving when she fell in Sept 2023 and tore her Rotar cuff completely. She needs to have her shoulder replaced but the insurance is fighting it. The doctor has filed the appeal...so we are waiting.

I do her finances and appointments... along with working FT. Luckily, I work remote 4 out of 5 day per week; so, I can be around to help Mom. We have an appointment with an Elder Care / Financial Lawyer in March (soonest we could get in) to get the POA set up; however, Mom tells everyone to talk to me anyway.

At first, she was depressed and scared. She was almost "fighting" the diagnosis. Trying to explain it away as stress or being too tired. Now, she said she is OK with letting me handle everything. She said it is like a vacation for her. She doesn't have to be responsible for anything anymore.

She said the other day that she needed to make sure that she continued to keep a routine though because she could "get used to being lazy". I am torn between telling her to just take some time to relax and get used to the diagnosis (keeping in mind that she cannot use her right arm still). And, making sure she is getting motivated every day to do something...anything.

It is overwhelming ... all of the things that are required when you are taking care of someone else's needs. My 77-year-old neighbor calls me when he has issues with his electronics too. I don't really mind; but, just more to take care of...in my overwhelming life!!!

One hour at a time, one task at a time, one day at a time. I just needed to get some thoughts out.

I read a lot; but do not post much. Thank you for being here.

SusanB-dil · February 6

Hi nsglobe -

Is there a way you could maybe get her to an adult daycare center at least through the day? That is a concern that she has fallen and gotten hurt. There may be other times she doesn't mention.

Since she is living alone - make sure you check for expired food, and that she is taking her meds correctly, and taking care of herself. Good that you are handling the finances, that is one less worry.

It is hard and overwhelming... sorry you are going through 'this'.

nsglobe · February 19

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/197204#Comment_197204

We got her a medical alert necklace (just in case). She doesn't usually fall. She was pulling on cardboard and lost her hold on it. Unfortunately, put her right arm out (elbow first) to try to stop the fall.

I check her phone (for weird texts/emails)/food/meds when I go over. She is still doing a good job of caring for herself. She calls me if she has worries or issues. Luckily, my job is flexible, and I am mostly available to answer her calls.

I have not checked into adult day care; but she does not even want to go to the Senior Center here in town. I think it might be due to her Alzheimer's, but she hasn't admitted that yet. It would be "new" to her, and she seems scared/worried. I do not think it is necessary at this point, so I am not pushing the issue.

She still goes to church events, so she is getting socialization outside of family. She told me Sunday that she was having active dreams and is really tired. She is on Donepezil. I have read on other posts that it helped to take it in the morning rather than at night. I told her to try that. Hopefully, that will help; because she almost didn't go to church because she was so tired.

Anonymousjpl123 · February 19

@nsglobe overwhelming for sure. I think you are doing all the right things.

A lot depends on your mom’s personality. If she’s friendly/social but seems overwhelmed by the senior center, I wonder if you could find someone to help out/visit 1-2 times a week? When my mom was living alone still undiagnosed after my dad dies, even with family close by, it was hard for her. Visits and social interaction helped - which it seems like you give her. But it may be good for her to have more than just that.

Im so sorry you are having to navigate this but glad you found this forum. You are definitely not alone.

shellyann81 · February 20

@nsglobe I just joined the forum, and your post is the first one I paused to read all the way through. I'm struck by the similarities in our situations. My mom (75) was also diagnosed in 2023. I work full-time (mostly remote) and manage all her finances and appointments. At the diagnosis appointment, the neurologist was adamant about Mom not driving anymore. That threw her into a rage like I've never seen before -- and then extreme sadness. Needless to say she didn't give up driving without a fight (I get it though. Loss of independence is painful.) Truthfully, it's been a tough adjustment for me too as I'm now her driver. She still lives in her own home (just around the corner from me). And she is still fairly functional at home (takes the trash out, showers etc.). The advice I've gotten is to let her be as independent as possible for as long as possible, so that's what I'm trying to do. I have 3 kids between 6-13 -- all with various school and extracurricular activities. I'm overwhelmed too. And, like you said: "One hour at a time, one task at a time, one day at a time." Thanks for your post. It made me feel less alone.

nsglobe · March 22

@shellyann81 - I understand completely. I am glad that my post was able to help in some small way. We are definitely not alone in our struggles. My Mom has to have her shoulder replaced on 4/23 so that is the next hurdle we are aiming toward. Lots of appointments and stress for both of us. She is nervous. :(

I have to remind myself that I promised I would be there for her if she stopped driving (when I don't feel like it). She doesn't ask for much; but when she does ask...I have to help. And, if I can't, I need to find someone that can.

Just stressing

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