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pending loss of our beloved dog and my DH forgets she is terminal

Denise1847
Denise1847 Member Posts: 835
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in Caring For a Spouse or Partner

We received painful news yesterday that our beloved fur baby has an inoperable large mass involving a kidney and adrenal gland. She could have 2 months or much less. My DH was present to hear this and we discussed home euthanasia when the time in near. When I talked to DH today, he was shocked and terribly sad all over again. I hope this doesn't happen every day for him. It is all I can do to keep it together, but I just hope he doesn't keep forgetting and have to relive his initial pain all over again. I will not mention again until it is time to schedule the visit.

I was able to take her for a walk today and truly appreciated how precious time is. I take so much for granted and am always moving to the next task because it is all on me. What a gift to grasp this simple concept. I hope I can hold on to it.

Comments

  • Ed1937
    Ed1937 Member Posts: 5,084
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    Denise and JeriLynn, I'm sorry you both have to deal with this. I had mine put down in September. It's always heartbreaking, and when you have so much on your plate already, it's even worse.

  • ImMaggieMae
    ImMaggieMae Member Posts: 1,010
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    IDenise and JeriLynn, I am so sorry. Losing a beloved pet is so hard. I wish I were there to give you hugs.

  • ghphotog
    ghphotog Member Posts: 667
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    I'm sorry to hear that. It's always a hard thing, with or without dementia in the mix. They are so innocent and dependent on us.

  • HollyBerry
    HollyBerry Member Posts: 175
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    I'm so sorry you're going through this! We put our little terrier to sleep almost 2 weeks ago, rather suddenly. I wouldn't have brought my partner to the vet visit if I had known what the outcome would be. She took it pretty hard; she seems to have one emotion at a time these days, and they're big ones. It was about a week of big sadness, made worse by being home by herself a lot while I was at work. The second week was better and I'd say she's back to normal now. She remembers that Sophie is gone but asks me what she had (cancer). I don't think she remembers much about the vet visit itself, thank goodness.

  • SSHarkey
    SSHarkey Member Posts: 298
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    I am so sorry! Our pets give us so much unconditional love and comfort. They provide that living kindness and gentleness we so need in the storm.

  • Denise1847
    Denise1847 Member Posts: 835
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    Thank you all for your kind remarks. I know the pain with eventually fade, but it is intense right now. I am so sorry that many of you have also had to go through this.

  • l7pla1w2
    l7pla1w2 Member Posts: 174
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    We outlive our pets, and it's excruciating when they cross the Rainbow Bridge. (That expression always makes me tear up, like now.) Yet we turn around and do it all over again. The love they provide is enough of a return on the emotional investment.

    When we put down (awful phrase) our 15 1/2 year old dog, we used an in-house euthanasia. We asked the vet how we would know it was time. She said we had to ask ourselves whether we were keeping the dog alive for ourselves or the dog. That made the answer easy, if no less painful. Just the other day we were looking at some photos and videos of the dog a couple of months before we put him down and they were painful to look at, because he was obviously suffering.

  • mrahope
    mrahope Member Posts: 528
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    I am so sorry you lost your much loved pet. It is so terribly hard because they are like members of the family. And sometimes they are better company than our LO. Hope time and good memories will help the pain of the loss somewhat.

  • Denise1847
    Denise1847 Member Posts: 835
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    https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/197468#Comment_197468

    Thank you. I cannot put myself through this again. I agree they give you so much love. It is really going to be more difficult living with my DH without her. She provided so much love for the 14 years she has been with us - more than I have received from my DH of 51 years. Not sure I will ever stop crying.

  • l7pla1w2
    l7pla1w2 Member Posts: 174
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    https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/197491#Comment_197491

    We probably mourned for six months. A few years ago, a neighbor put down their black lab, and she said no more dogs. I was plenty surprised when she got a black lab puppy a few months later.

  • Denise1847
    Denise1847 Member Posts: 835
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    https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/197500#Comment_197500

    Thank you for sharing. I am so sorry for your loss. I didn't realize the tremendous pain one feels. I am certainly learning empathy for all kinds of situations. Hopefully, it will help me to become a better person and maybe help someone so day.

  • Denise1847
    Denise1847 Member Posts: 835
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    https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/197407#Comment_197407

    Yes, so true. She is helping me deal with dementia land every day. She is so loving and always by my side. I don't know how I will cope living this hell by myself.

  • Denise1847
    Denise1847 Member Posts: 835
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    https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/197365#Comment_197365

    I am so very sorry. I hope and pray that you pain and suffering with fade into beautiful memories.

Commonly Used Abbreviations


DH = Dear Husband
DW= Dear Wife, Darling Wife
LO = Loved One
ES = Early Stage
EO = Early Onset
FTD = Frontotemporal Dementia
VD = Vascular Dementia
MC = Memory Care
AL = Assisted Living
POA = Power of Attorney
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