When you think things can't get worse. . .

ghphotog · February 9

Like most mornings my DW is a mess and need to get her in the shower. It takes several minutes for the water to warm up on that side of the house so I start running the water in the faucets and tub while clean her first by hand.

I guess it took longer for the preliminary clean up than usual and by the time I had her ready for the shower the water was cold. Nothing sends her more into hysterics than being cold and /or having to shower.

Didn't have a choice but to force her into a cold shower so I can finish getting her cleaned. She's screaming, I'm completely losing it as well thinking she hot water heater broke. She thinks I'm mad at her but just mad at life.

Anyway we got her cleaned, dry and dressed and I checked the status of the water heater and it is normal and the pilot is still on, thank God. I wanted to punch holes in the wall this morning but I didn't. Just feel bad bad that my frustration made her feel like she did something wrong and it's not her fault.

Thanks for being here. Still have another week or two before the placement money is ready. My financial advisor sent the request in but have no idea why it's taking so long and neither does he. Hopefully next week he said.

Ed1937 · February 9

I understand how you feel. It's something that has to be done, yet it is so damned hard. I've lost my cool more than once because of a shower, and cold water had nothing to do with it. I'm sorry.

ImMaggieMae · February 9

I am so sorry you and your wife had to deal with lack of warm water with a mess to clean up. Cleanliness is so important to prevent UTI’s and skin irritations. There are products available that are meant for bedridden patients or people with low mobility that can be used when an actual shower isn’t available. Do a search on Amazon or other online store for “no rinse bath sponges or bath wipes”. There are several brands that are dry that you add as little as a couple tablespoons of water to and they burst into a sudsy wipe that is large enough that one or two to do a decent job of cleaning even a big mess. They are disposable and meant for cleaning without a shower. There are also large wet wipes that can be placed in a microwave to warm that require no rinsing. I often use them in combination with large 99% water wipes for cleanup after bowel incontinence and dry with a soft microfiber towel. These are far more effective than your average wet wipes because they are larger, thicker and have the added sudsy cleaning help. I keep a plastic bag at hand since none of these are flushable.

Products like this are always good to have on hand even though a shower is usually available. There are many times in the morning or night when a spouse is too sleepy or grumpy to deal with a shower. I hope this helps.

Caro_Lynne · February 9

GH that must be so difficult on both of you, but harder on you! My LO is not totally incontinent yet and so far I'm able to shower him 4-5 times per week without objection. At the beginning of this journey I would loose it and yell at myself while dressing him or when he wasn't cooperating. The guilt afterwards always brought me to tears. I am now at a place where I just go with the flow and if I need to yell I go to my room. You have been doing this much longer than I and under more difficult circumstances. I admire the care you give your DW; but I agree you are doing the right thing for both of by placing her. It will be distressing I'm sure however, you need some respite, if nothing else. I pray all goes well.

Thanks for mentioning those products Maggie. I will buy some for the days he doesn't want to shower.

xo

ghphotog · February 9

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/197586#Comment_197586

Thank you for that information. If those work then I'm all in!

Pat6177 · February 10

I’m not really sure if this would help but FWIW… Look up sitz bath on web or Amazon. It fits on the toilet under the toilet seat. You fill it with warm water. Then have your wife sit on it soaking her bottom in the warm water. Some of them come with different attachments to squirt water up toward the bottom but I don’t know if that might startle or scare your wife. The soaking might make it easier to remove the poo. And your wife might be more willing to sit and soak her bottom rather than getting into the shower. Then the wipes that Maggie Mae suggested might work after your DW has soaked for a bit.

These only cost $15-$20 so not a huge investment. Much simpler than a bidet.

Somewhere I read this suggestion for showering people with dementia and I would want this if I develop dementia and someone is making me shower. Make a poncho using a couple of towels. So stitch together at the top, leaving an opening for the head. Put it on for the shower. It provides some modesty. Then lift a corner to wash a spot, then a different corner to wash the next area. If you don’t/can’t sew, then use bulldog clips or large safety pins or something. You could also cut up a sheet. I have not tried this so I have no idea if it would work.

SSHarkey · February 10

So hard. So dang hard. I’m sorry.

SSHarkey · February 10

M5M · February 10

GH, you mentioned the $$ funds are taking longer than anticipated to arrive, and your financial advisor doesn’t know why. He should be on the phone getting an explanation. When you request a dispersal of your money, it needs to be transacted in short order. Someone is not paying attention to your request, and you can “ light a fire” with the advisor…. Or call the company holding your funds directly. They don’t like complaints!

ghphotog · February 10

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/197710#Comment_197710

I will. My advisor said everyone is on vacation and first thing Monday they will look into it.

When you think things can't get worse. . .

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