New Here with a Wife With Dementia

my Wife of 55 years diagnosed last year moderate on set Dementia ( whatever that means) also anosognosia real bad.

my advise at this point, as I'm k LK earning, do not argue no way you win or explain, be patient (the hardest) and beware of tone of voice. And things change in a moment

Welcome to the forum, you will have lots of company here.

Look on the Caregiver's Discussion for a thread called "Excellent Packet for Newcomers" or something similar--it has a lot of information about stages of the disease and things that are frequently referenced. Resources to learn from. You will also learn a lot and find a lot of commiseration if you read a lot of threads.

Hate to say it, but if she's already incontinent she is probably more advanced than you think. that is typically a stage 5 or 6 development (late stage dementia).

Welcome, @bassman73

This site has been the most helpful resource I have found. I suggest you read everything here, digest it, then follow what works for your family and situation. As they say here and elsewhere, "when you've seen one person with dementia, you've seen one person with dementia." The dementias manifest differently in each person.

Our journey started in September 2021. And everything has changed.

I joined this site officially in early 2022. I read everything here and at other sites.I started to press for an evaluation of DH but that took almost two years for him to agree to attend. Then 4 months of various testing that showed MCI, with mild to moderate cognitive changes but without an identified dementia pattern. So testing didn't really show much. DH has refused medication so we wait and see what happens next.

Early on, as a result of reading here, I quickly consulted a CELA, on my own, without my DH. That was money well spent. Medicaid will not be an option for us so I contacted my financial advisor and told him what was happening. That was helpful as he put me in touch with several resources locally that have been helpful. I got our financial situation in order. We updated our wills, POAs, etc. We moved money into a small joint account for DH access but all other accounts are now under my sole control. It's an ongoing process to take over our financial, household, medical lives, but I've done a lot!

Emotionally, I have good and bad days. I knew I needed support from people who were knowledgeable. The close friends who know our situation are well meaning, but frankly, clueless. So, I went to a few online support groups, but the format was foreign to me - they asked each person to share, one after another and there was no support amongst the participants. It felt alien after a lifetime of support groups with a vastly different format. I found a friend here at this forum, and we chat via zoom now occasionally. That has been super helpful and life-affirming, :)

I have also found a therapist who specializes in helping people who are caretakers for LO with dementia. She has been a life saver - we don't do traditional therapy (as a retired therapist, I know about what I speak), but she is a trusted confidant, super knowledgeable about the issues, and so very kind and gentle. I can tell her things that I can't share with anyone else. I look forward to our weekly sessions via Zoom.

All said, you have a lot to do but you will find your way! There are many people who can help but at the end of the day, you are in charge and you have to do the work. Just remember, you can do it!