Everyone else has the cure…

They probably mean well, but I agree that it is super annoying. My script? “You know, that sounds interesting but wouldn’t work for us. But you know what would be super helpful for both DH and I? If you could provide 2 or 3 hours respite care for him while I go out and get some shopping/Dr. Appt., eye exam, etc done. It would provide some much needed socialization for him and a break for me.”

Sorry about venting here, but with all the articles and ads out there about how to decrease your risk/prevent/delay dementia, it feels like the onus is on our DOs with dementia (or us) to explain why it happened. No one likes to feel helpless in front of a scary disease and that seems to drive a kind of "if only you did/could do this" mentality from friends and family, who need to believe dementia could have prevented by our actions. I try not to dwell on it, but I do feel almost a sense of blame from others that I'm not doing the "right things" that would either improve my DHs dementia, or not have allowed it to happen in the first place. I hear the approval when someone discusses an elderly person who is still "sharp as a tack", implying they have earned that by doing the right things. By default, I feel that PWD are viewed as not having done what they could and as a caregiver, I feel that blame directed at me as well. Not sure I'm explaining this very well, but it's something I have felt and feel that those preying on fears about getting dementia lead to this way of viewing the disease and it's unlucky victims.

I recieved a ton of adice in the early days take this vitamin, this supplement, a website touting expensive miracle supplements, christian tv shows that have found the cure, changing diet, staying away from diet coke. . . etc. . . and etc. . .

IDK, maybe in the very very early stages some of these might have slowed progression by a few months. I've also heard it all. I just say "great!, I'll check into it! thank you!"

Yes friends and family mean well and I always appreciated that they cared enough to present thier information. I never made them feel like they wasted their time trying to help. I always appreciated it even though I knew none of these suggestions would change anything but their comes a time when we all know things will not get better no matter what you do.

It’s always well meaning. But I’m tired of people acting or implying that it’s not dementia, brushing me as well as my DH off. It’s either “have you heard about this?” Or “everyone does that when they get old.” My last friend who told me everyone does it, I snapped back. No, they don’t. I felt really bad after, but exhaustion had taken its toll that day.

I too have felt the judgement and the implication that fi you do the right things as a PWD or caregiver dementia won't happen or it will get better. I think it stems from the fear of dementia and magical thinking that it won't happen to them. H had EOAD and I received a lot of comments that he seems just fine, that happens to everyone, and he's just deciding not to listen to you. (H has always been difficult.) It seems society's view of dementia is someone Stage 6/7 and a slightly confused, vacant looking person. All of it is very frustrating.

It is funny. I just got off the phone with my sister( who never comes to help us out.) screaming at me that DH needs to take b12 shots. He is now stage 6, full on urinary incontinence, cannot keep his balance and just now requires a wheel chair.and does not remember he has. Leukemia. Our home , our car , doctors etc. ugghhhh they may have good intentions but more likely they are know it alls who want to be the arm chair quarterbacks and fo none of the heavy lifting eith this disease.