No empathy for years and then it appears

Denise1847 · February 16

My DH has never had alot of compassion or shown much empathy to me or anyone else. I have learned to live with it. On Tuesday, we had to put our dog to sleep. My DH did not want to be there so my son took him to lunch and a haircut. I was worried he would be asking me where our fur Baby was over and over. Instead, he not only has remembered and not asked about her. This is remarkable because he doesn't remember anything.

Also, he has watched me cry for the past 3 days and has tried to help by offering to do things for me, asking if I need anything. He will sit and stare at me.

Not sure how long this will last, but I could use a little empathy for as long as possible.

M1 · February 16

I'm so sorry, these are hard losses too. He's probably really attuned to your moods even if he can't express it.

Jgirl57 · February 16

Sorry about your fur baby. Hugs to you, it is really hard.

JeriLynn66 · February 16

Denise, I’m so sorry about the loss of your beloved friend; I know how hard that was ❤️. Sending you big hugs and prayers.

charley0419 · February 16

So sorry for you. We lost 3 20 yr old in 1 yr. Went out and got 2 kittens, I know it's a lot of work and could be dangerous but my wife only has short memory loss and confusion, so it's almost yr we have them and very looking as VERY GOOD CATS. I was concerned but she was so down I had too do. It worked out dhe worry's about them all the time.

Denise1847 · February 16

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/198490#Comment_198490

Thank you Charley.

People are telling me already to get another dog. It would not be fair to the dog as I would just be doing it for myself to get over the pain. I know I can never replace her. I also don't know that this would be the best time, give my DH's continual decline and the demands for my time and stress level. We were very bonded and high maintenance so it took my mind off of dementia land and gave me so much love. I will push on, one day at a time. Maybe, eventually, I will try to find a new best friend as the unconditional love is so rewarding.

midge333 · February 16

I am sorry for your loss. My dog died last May and I have contemplated getting another. In the end, I decided I didn't need the added responsibility of a pet.

Denise1847 · February 16

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/198505#Comment_198505

Midge, I am so sorry you lost your dog. I had 2 other dogs before many years ago and lost them. I didn't feel the same close bond with them as I did with my recent loss. She was a great support to me having to live in dementia land. I feel such a loss because my DH has always been cold so there is no longer warmth and companionship. Midge, I had no idea how painful it is for people who lose their pets. I am certainly learning alot about the pain of others through this terrible disease and the death of my best friend.

GiGi1963 · February 17

Denise, family convinced me that a dog would be good for my DH. I adopted a small 8 lb little girl. He does love her and tries to overfeed her. He also hates her and threatens her during sundowning episodes. She is my savior and is only thing keeping me going. She is now very protective of me. My advice is to wait on a new BFF. I love her but sad she has to live with jekyll/hyde.

Denise1847 · February 17

Oh GiGi, thank you for sharing. I am pretty sure that my fur baby knew by DH was not all there. He never threatened her, but it is very possible that his behavior could change. I think your advice is true wisdom from you first-hand experience. As much as I feel the absence of a BFF, I know it would be foolish to bring another pet into my home, given the circumstances. Just another thing that Alzheimer's will take from me. Protect your little girl. She is so vulnerable and dependent on you for her safety and wellbeing. God bless.

As I write this, it has occurred to me that no wonders I become constantly angry at my current state because Alzheimer's is constantly robbing my DH of is life and me from everything that brings me joy and peace.

Emily 123 · February 17

I'm so sorry Denise. It's so very hard to lose a 'heart' dog. I lost mine in September. I've loved all my pets, but sometimes God gives us a special friend that just 'knows' us. Take the time you need to grieve. It wouldn't be fair to the memory of your dog (or to a new one) to bring a new one into your family until you're ready. I'm glad that your husband was still able to sense that you needed support.

No empathy for years and then it appears

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