Friday 9:30A

ghphotog · February 14

Officially moving DW to MC. Bittersweet. Looking forward to being alone, I have lots of good friends so I won't be completely alone. Coming and going when I want. Want to go flyfishing again or just stand by a stream and listen to the water and the wind in trees. I've been down this dementia road for a long time so in all honesty I really don't know what I'm going to do but it will be nice not always considering how everything I do will effect her, every minute of every day revolves around her. Bittersweet because I will be so worried for a while how's she's doing.

M1 · February 14

We'll be anxious to hear. Will be thinking of you.

Vitruvius · February 14

I hope it all goes well for you and your DW. For me, it's been 18 months since I placed my DW...and I still don't know what I'm going to do.

Let us know how it goes.

Jgirl57 · February 14

Happy to hear you have a date set. I think we have all been worried about your health and stress level. I’ll be thinking about you and your DW on move in day.

Gig Harbor · February 14

I hope the move goes smoothly. Two of my friends have recently moved their spouses and each spouse has done well. They seem to have forgotten their previous life and have embraced the new surroundings. I think the activity going on around them helps a lot. I hope you settle into your new stage in life because that is exactly what it is. Life is comprised of stages and we move into and thru them. This is your time to rekindle friendships, make new ones and catch those elusive fish. You deserve to be happy without any guilt. You did not cause your wife’s dementia. It is her stage to pass thru and you will watch over her as she does so. Right now you will be on parallel paths but you are still part of each others lives. Good luck.

Joe C. · February 14

I hope all goes smoothly Friday. It probably be a much difficult transition for you than for your wife. I completely understand your feelings of needing to have the freedom to do things you like once again. As far as being alone, that was the most difficult thing for me in the early days after placement. I suggest having plans with your friends the few days while you adjust to your new normal. Good luck.

JeriLynn66 · February 14

Keeping you and your DW in my prayers that all goes smoothly.

Denise1847 · February 14

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/68176/friday-9-30a

May the move go well and may you have peace and joy again. You certainly deserve it.

mrahope · February 14

Just adding my good wishes for a calm and smooth transition for both you and your DW.

[Deleted User] · February 14

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Caro_Lynne · February 14

Good luck Friday. We'll all be thinking about you and praying for you and your beloved wife. xo

GiGi1963 · February 14

Ghphotog, I hope Friday is smooth. I know you have done all you could for your wife. Please don't feel guilt about your decision. Don't visit for at least two weeks. I went everyday to see my husband. After eight guilt filled days, I brought him home. Don't do that! Big expensive mistake and I know he has to go back. I'm a lot wiser now. Hope you are stronger in doing what is best for you. Hugs.

White Crane · February 14

I’ve been thinking about you a lot. I know you’ve been struggling with this decision for a while. I hope you feel some peace now that you’ve made it. It isn’t easy. None of this is easy. My husband has been in memory care for three weeks and I still miss him terribly. Visits are getting easier but it’s still hard to leave him. A lot of people say don’t visit for two weeks but I visited him the very next day. And I’m glad I did. I think it helped reassure him that he wasn’t being abandoned. Everyone’s different, though so you will need to decide what’s best for you and your DW. You have been a loving caregiver for a long time now and you have done all you can to take care of her. I pray you find peace knowing you have done and and continue to do what’s best for her. Sending hugs.

Rocky2 · February 14

Ghphotog,

I add my wishes that Friday goes smoothly for both you and your DW. You have loved your wife and provided 24/7 support for so long. I pray that, even though the transition is emotionally gut wrenching, you will find it good to love your wife as her husband without the 24/7 load on your shoulders. My prayers are with you both.

Tom

ThisLife · February 14

Sending thoughts for a smooth transition and peaceful adjustment for you and your DW.

Jeff86 · February 15

we all support you and applaud you for doing the right thing for both your DW and yourself. She will receive full time professional care and you will you get back some control over your life and health. And you will, as we say, be a husband first, overseeing her care rather than providing it all, hands on.

Hoping things go smoothly on Friday. We have your back.

Joydean · February 15

Wishing you the very best on Friday and all the following days. You have done everything you possibly could do and have been a loving and caring caregiver. You need some rest and peace in your life. Enjoy just standing by the water and really hearing the wind in the trees! (Sounds like a dream to me lol)! Take care!

Phoenix1966 · February 15

Keeping you in my thoughts as you and your LO transition to a new stage in your journey together.

RickM · February 15

Today, Valentine's Day, was a difficult day for me. It was our 42nd. I placed her in MC a short walk from our home last May. I brought her flowers and we listened to love songs.

It's a difficult decision for all of us. It is different for all of us. Trust your gut. Try not to second guess yourself. I have found that there are new friends and support to be found in placing her. It's worked out well for us.

I'm finding time for rest, finding some peace, but still working on joy.

LaneyG · February 15

Wishing you well ghphotog. Hoping for a smooth transition for both of you. So happy you will have some freedom back and opportunities to do what you love.

AnderK · February 15

My heart is with you. There is nothing more I can add to the other supportive responses. You will be in my thoughts. Kathy

M1 · February 16

Thinking about you tthis morning gh. Please update us when you can. Hoping for the best.

ghphotog · February 16

I will update everyone I also want to thank everyone for the support, prayers and thoughts. I've read every comment.

Spent yesterday getting her room set up and now I'm thinking how do I get her out of the car when we arrive. She can still be somewhat perceptive. The "team" is supposedly going to meet us when we arrive and take her back and spend time helping her get situated. I really hope they do because the last thing would be to get her in the building and they leave her alone while they go back to what they were doing. That would be tragic for her to be left alone or ignored by staff once she's through the door. I hope all of that talk about meeting us and staying with her wasn't just a sales pitch but we'll see in a few hours from now.

H

harshedbuzz · February 16

@ghphotog

Add me those wishing you and your DW calm as you transition and adjust to professional care.

I dreaded the actual logistics for weeks. I'm sure you've chosen well and that the team will assist you with the you both getting into the building and settled. We created a fiblet of taking dad to "see a new doctor". I pulled under the portico, parked and assisted dad through the door where we were greeted by the director and activities person. The latter swept him away to the activities are where they were having ice cream matinee. She sat dad between two of the more social residents and shooed us off to do paperwork.

HB

midge333 · February 16

I know you have struggled mightily with this decision. It is very obvious that you love your wife and want what is best for her. I hope the transition goes well for both of you.

CindyBum · February 16

Sending you positive thoughts for the move and bright ones for finding your new way of living.

ghphotog · February 16

The hand off is complete. The nurse and administrator were waiting in the parking lot for us and my DW acted like they were long lost friends. By the time I got home she was getting her nails done and going for a walk with a staff person. The hard part will be when she's alone.

Lot of emotion for me but I know she's in good hands.

Caro_Lynne · February 16

GH so glad the handoff went well! I can understand the emotions you must be feeling; rest easy in that you did the right thing for both of you. xo

M1 · February 16

whew. So glad. I am sure you will have the wind knocked out of your sails, but that's okay. Grief, grief.

wose · February 17

Thinking of you and praying you are Ok. Can’t imagine the emotions you have now that you’re alone. Take good care of yourself and know you are a stellar hubby💙

Jazzma · February 17

Wow. I am so moved by your situation and all of the following comments. I'm on the cusp of placing my DH and tortured by thoughts of him being alone in a strange place. At the same time, thinking of the relief of being alone and able to sleep through the night. I hope that you find peace in making a good decision for someone you obviously love very much. All the best.

Friday 9:30A

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