Strange Jewelry Choices

Al_Butch · February 22

I probably know the answer, but just wondering if anyone else has seen this behavior and how they feel. My wife likes to wear jewelry but lately she's been making these odd choices in what to put on. She's hanging ear rings from her shirt, mixing bracelets with necklaces, etc. I know it shouldn't matter and that's probably more on me and being embarrassed. I try to talk to her about it and she starts to get defensive (another thing that's getting more prominent). Just wondering if anyone else has experienced this.

SusanB-dil · February 22

Hi Al_Butch - welcome to 'here', but sorry for the reason.

Not so much with jewelry, but she will mis-match shoes. It is fine, since it isn't hurting a thing. If DW doesn't mind you helping a bit, maybe just suggestions might work. 'Are you sure you would like to wear your earring there?' If she says yes, I would say just go with the flow. It also sounds that with being defensive, she may have anosognosia. This is not denial, but the firm belief that they are fine.

Rule #1 - don't argue with a PWD.

Rule #2 - see rule #1

Rule #3 - you must make sure you take care of yourself.

Al_Butch · February 22

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/199203#Comment_199203

Thanks. I've been training myself to be more conscience of Rule #1 and in my opinion have been doing very well with it. I actually need to train her daughters in this area as they can be very argumentative around her. The suggestion idea is good and i'll try that.

As far as taking care of myself, i'm seeing a therapist now and just talking it out and writing things down has already helped.

harshedbuzz · February 22

@Al_Butch This sounds very like your dear wife has created a unique spin on Stage 5's "may need assistance choosing and layering clothing".

It's not uncommon for PWD in this stage to struggle with clothing. Other members here have shared husbands who layer multiple pairs of pants at once or who rock their boxers atop their trousers. One poor husband had to assist his DW who found herself trapped by a pair of panties she was attempting to wear as a bra. My own dad used to try to leave the house in his pjs claiming it was athleisure wear akin to the Lululemon outfit I was wearing.

Tam-Cummings-LLC-Handouts.pdf (tala.org)

If any of these items are something you wouldn't want her to lose because of value-- sentimental or otherwise-- you might discretely put them away. My uncle swapped out the valuable stones in his wife's favorite sapphire ring in case it went missing.

Seeing a therapist is a great idea as is hanging out here. Having family members who aren't on the same page adds a layer of difficulty to an already difficult situation. I'm sorry you're dealing with that as well. It took my mom a while to embrace the rules above; this quick read helped her get there.

Understanding the Dementia Experience (smashwords.com)

HB

M1 · February 22

welcome to the forum. I was going to say the same thing harshedbuzz said--if there's anything of real or sentimental value (such as something her daughters would want) i would put them up; frequently out of sight is out of mind. You might just leave her a few choices and she probably won't know the difference.

ButterflyWings · February 23

@Al_Butch Bless her heart! She sounds stylish and fancy, actually =) I love it. But I understand the little catch in your throat when you see this evidence that her brain really is deteriorating. It is a heart ache when we get confirmation that life will never be the same again, and in ways we can't even imagine. I actually appreciate the evidence though it is painful. It has helped me put my big girl pants on, again and again, to truly think and do for two.

You are on the right track, to observe, protect, and surreptitiously redirect as needed. And your instincts for your DDs to cut out the negative vibes or arguments, even with each other, stat. That is a Rule #4 I would add to @SusanB-dil 's excellent list: Thou shalt not EVER argue with, or NEAR, a PWD. They pick up the emotional temp of others and we have a responsibility to be intentional about making it calm, serene, affirming, peaceful... as much as possible. NOT easy at times, but it pays off to make it a priority every. single. day.

Now, before you give your beloved the trophy for best dementia gear today, I will nominate my DH for his prior modeling of a child's swim jacket, worn upside down over his clothes, accessorized by some mismatched gloves. One black knit basic stretchy glove, one red leather heirloom souvenir from my depression-era aunt's stash. (Don't even know when or where he got into those that night. But caught him before he exited the back door, having dressed himself to head out.)! Or, keeping it elegant and simple like your DW...his recent choice of headgear: a pull-up.

Yep, can't make this up. Just fix your face (poker face was never my strong suit but I've got it down pat, now!).

Enjoy laughing with her, not at her, as I can tell your spirit is loving and supportive. Buckle up. This is the least of your worries, as you know.

Strange Jewelry Choices

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