I can't get involved with family!!!

Istoppedescaping · February 23

Hello, Alzconnect family. I can say how I feel about my Mom's Alzheimer's and give suggestions to anyone here with what I have experienced for the past 7 years plus what I have learned from this support group. But my family that's out of the question.

So a family member who is the prime caregiver for my mom keeps sending photos to the whole family of my mom's neglected care in the the NH. I have told her to put my mom in Hospice for better care, however she won't. The NH is not to blame, they can't keep good workers and yes people are still getting sick. Nevertheless my family member keeps complaining to the state, NH administration and just about anyone who will listen. I have also suggested that she see a therapist or take something to ease the stress but again she won't do anything I tell her especially because I have seen a therapist and am on a medication. It's the family dynamics. All I can do is pray for her. Thanks for Alzconnect and all the wonderful warriors on here! May God bless you all! 🙏

H1235 · February 23

I find dealing with my sibling is more difficult than dealing with mom’s dementia. Good luck!

SusanB-dil · February 23

Would this family member listen to anyone else? Sorry you are dealing with that.

Quilting brings calm · February 23

I suggest you tell your family member to find her a different nursing home since she’s not happy with this one. Also ask her to quit sending the photos to you.

M1 · February 23

who holds the power of attorney? That matters in these situations.....and might make a difference in terms of what your options are.

ButterflyWings · February 23

Is your LO visibly identifiable in the photos? This seems like such a violation of privacy if so. I can understand your frustration even if not showing her face, but if someone who cannot say "don't do that" is depicted in distressing photos of them...well that's really disrespectful at the very least. If it were my mom, I'd lose it.

And I agree with the others on all points above.

Istoppedescaping · February 24

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/199342#Comment_199342

I totally agree!

Istoppedescaping · February 24

Thanks for all the comments but as for me, again saying anything to her is useless. It's the family dynamics of siblings with my family plus she needs professional help. All I can do is pray for her and that the NH puts up with all her complaints. ✌️

Marta · February 24

You are feeling powerless. Does your sister hold POA for your Mom?

Istoppedescaping · February 24

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/199505#Comment_199505

We both do but my sister is not well

Smilescountry · February 24

I am so sorry that you are going through this. Dealing with siblings is often very difficult in this situation. When my dad was diagnosed with Alzheimer's, he was already so far along that we could not update his 30-year-old will. Because Mom also has dementia, I am the POA for Dad. Mom, however, was able to give consent to have her will updated. My two sisters and I are separate, but equal, POA/HCRs for Mom. When we made the update, the lawyer said, "If there is a problem with this arrangement, and you feel that one of you is making poor decisions and should not be in this role, you should return to the office and work with me to get the problem resolved." Not knowing your situation, I don't know if that is a possibility. However, it might be something to keep in mind. I will definitely be praying for you. And I understand the need for therapy. Been there. Done that.

Marta · February 25

As POA you have the power to telephone a local hospice organization to do an assessment on your Mom. If they require a doctor’s order, they will contact your Mom’s PCP.

Re-read your POA document very carefully. Get the advice of an elder lawyer (look on nelf.com) if needed.

Good luck. You are NOT powerless!

I can't get involved with family!!!

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