Have any questions about how to use the community? Check out the Help Discussion.

Moving Mom to Memory Care tomorrow

hmmgreschner
hmmgreschner Member Posts: 5
5 Care Reactions First Comment
Member
in Caring for a Parent
My mom was diagnosed almost 6 years ago with early onset Alz at the age of 59. Tomorrow, I am moving her into memory care. I am telling her a therapeutic fib that her house is getting work done so she has to stay in an apartment for awhile. I think this will suffice. I am so sad and anxious. Any advice?

Comments

  • M1
    M1 Member Posts: 6,788
    1,500 Care Reactions 1,500 Likes 5000 Comments 1,000 Insightfuls Reactions
    Member

    welcome to the forum, there are many of us here who have been exactly where you are now.Let the staff help you through it- it's your first experience but not theirs. I hope for both your sakes that it's an easy adjustment.

  • Bunnyboo
    Bunnyboo Member Posts: 14
    10 Comments 5 Care Reactions
    Member

    Hugs to you. That's the best thing for her, and for you. It is normal to be anxious and the best thing for you to do is take a deep breath.

  • harshedbuzz
    harshedbuzz Member Posts: 4,808
    Seventh Anniversary 1,000 Likes 2500 Comments 500 Insightfuls Reactions
    Member

    How are you doing?

  • hmmgreschner
    hmmgreschner Member Posts: 5
    5 Care Reactions First Comment
    Member
    https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/199942#Comment_199942

    I feel so sick to my stomach but I know this is the right thing. Of course she is having a great morning, which makes it even harder. The move is happening at 10. Deep breaths and one step at a time, right?

  • harshedbuzz
    harshedbuzz Member Posts: 4,808
    Seventh Anniversary 1,000 Likes 2500 Comments 500 Insightfuls Reactions
    Member

    This is the hardest part. It does get easier once she's settled in a bit.

    HB

  • psg712
    psg712 Member Posts: 459
    100 Care Reactions 100 Likes 100 Comments 25 Insightfuls Reactions
    Member

    Hang in there. You both will adjust. This is the toughest day.

  • Emily 123
    Emily 123 Member Posts: 872
    Fourth Anniversary 500 Comments 100 Insightfuls Reactions 100 Likes
    Member

    How was the big day? I hope it went well.

  • machelriller
    machelriller Member Posts: 23
    10 Comments First Anniversary 5 Care Reactions 5 Likes
    Member

    Sending you solidarity and support. My dad’s move in day was horrible. We fought (which we have almost never done in my life) and he refused to be seen by the intake nurse and insisted on leaving. I got him to agree to stay one night and I ran out of there and didn’t visit for two weeks. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Now, six months later, he has no memory of the day and is genuinely happy at memory care. He has friends and is getting excellent care.

    I hope things went well for you and don’t forget to take care of yourself.

  • hmmgreschner
    hmmgreschner Member Posts: 5
    5 Care Reactions First Comment
    Member

    UPDATE: I don't know why, but I thought she would be easily tricked into staying and she completely panicked. She started crying and saying that I was locking her up. She kept saying please don't do this to me! She was in flight/fight mode. It was heartbreaking. The staff were completely amazing and distracted her and had me leave out the back. I sobbed in the parking lot. They said I should wait 2 weeks to visit so they can get to know her and for her to develop a routine, etc. I just want to give her a hug and hope that deep down she knows how much I love her. On a positive note, she got her nails done, and is being very social with the other residents. I am hopeful for the future. 💜

  • M1
    M1 Member Posts: 6,788
    1,500 Care Reactions 1,500 Likes 5000 Comments 1,000 Insightfuls Reactions
    Member

    At least she is there and is safe, don't despair. My heart goes out to you, 34 is indeed very young to have to do this (my daughter will be 34 this spring, i can relate). Two weeks is going to seem a lot longer to you than it probably will to her. Sounds like the staff is already giving you updates, so that's good. Hang in there.

  • Anonymousjpl123
    Anonymousjpl123 Member Posts: 731
    500 Comments 100 Likes 100 Care Reactions Second Anniversary
    Member

    It’s very hard but you did the right thing. Sounds like a good place. My mom had a hard time adjusting to MC and so did I, but it was absolutely the best thing for her. She may be happier than you realize; soon, it may even be a relief. The hard part is over. I hope you get some rest.

Commonly Used Abbreviations


DH = Dear Husband
DW= Dear Wife, Darling Wife
LO = Loved One
ES = Early Stage
EO = Early Onset
FTD = Frontotemporal Dementia
VD = Vascular Dementia
MC = Memory Care
AL = Assisted Living
POA = Power of Attorney
Read more

Community Guidelines


Click here to review the ALZConnected Community Guidelines

Categories